It has been a little over a month now that I have had the pleasure to be leading the sixteen most amazing young adults on the face of this earth. The Lord has been using these people so much without their knowledge and the Lord has been showing me so much in such a little time. One of the biggest things the Lord has been talking to me about is leading from behind. Leading was something that I was familiar with when I started with Semesters. I would always try to lead by example. I wanted those I was leading to see me stepping up and doing what needed to be done. This was easy and I loved the praises that came from doing. I expected to step into Semesters and to just do as I had been doing for years, but the Lord had way different plans.
Leading from behind was completely new to me. I didn’t know what it meant to step back from being hands on and letting those I lead take control of what we are doing. The first couple weeks at CICRIN the Lord had to start stripping away how I was used to doing things so I could lead how He wanted me to lead in this season. I would see someone doing something that I knew I could do better, but I felt the Lord telling me to encourage them but let them sit in the struggle and figure it out. It would be easier and quicker to go back to my old ways and just do it, but it was better for them to be empowered to do it themselves. It was amazing to see people struggle and then the joy when they would figure something out.
The first week at Salt and Light Ministry was more of the same. I was helping the guys at the house with some manual labor stuff while the girls were at the school helping with kids. I wanted to jump in and take control at the school. I wanted to teach English and give morning devotionals to the kids. I wanted to go play sports with them. I couldn’t though. I needed to stay back and empower my team to take ownership of what they were leading. The enemy knew this is something that I am still trying to figure out, so he used it as an opportunity to put me down. He would tell me that I am not actually leading, just being lazy. I fought these negative thoughts and the Lord rewarded me following how He wanted me to lead.
On Monday the Lord validated the way that I have been doing things. For ministry we got to make house visits to all the kids who are a part of the ministry. The team was split into two groups and they would go to the kids houses and meet their family. This gives the ministry a chance to know more about the kids and how they can love them better knowing their home environments. The teams would also get to pray for the families and whatever they needed. When we were splitting off into the two groups this morning, we were told that someone needed to stay back and help in the kitchen. I was really looking forward to going on the home visits, but I felt the Holy Spirit tell me to stay back. I wanted the team to go and receive a blessing from getting to see where the kids come from and to get to pray for the families. I had a great time in the kitchen with Raina. She speaks very little English and I speak very little Spanish, but we still had a blast. When the first team got back for lunch my decision to stay was validated. The first thing out of their mouths was that they got to see a healing in the first house that morning. Healings are something that really freaked me out not too long ago but are something I really want to experience and see now. I was jealous I didn’t get to see the healing but was overjoyed that of the racers got to see it instead of me.
This season of learning to lead by enabling those I lead to take charge and ownership of what we are doing has been hard. I have learned a lot about leadership and the Lord has stretched me a lot in these few weeks. My team has made it incredibly easy in this season of relearning how to lead. They have loved me super well and encouraged me even when they didn’t know I needed it. I am super sad that I missed out on the home visits and the healing that took place, but I know that the Lord will provide healing for me and will allow me to see a healing sometime, hopefully soon.
