Waves of newness started rolling in this week and it’s only the beginning! This Thursday I turned 21 *clink* and this Friday was my last day of employment at The Goddard School.
A year and some months ago The Goddard School introduced me to the best little learning humans and to some amazing coworkers that I now call friends. Monday through Friday I was “Ms. Malysa” and experienced some of the craziest and heartwarming moments. Going into work meant expecting some level of organized chaos and lots of sweet little faces. I remember approaching our classroom window everyday anticipating their big grins, and encircling arms excited to tell me about the next best thing going on in their grand 5-year-old lives. Goddard taught me how to function in a classroom setting, earn respect, build relationships, stand up for myself and so much more.
It feels weird to even talk about it in the past tense. I loved the child that was placed in front of me. I wiped the snotty noses, applied the sunscreen, (tried) to fix the girls’ hair, tied their shoes. I laughed with them, danced, listened to their stories as they listened to mine. It was precious and grew my love for children and education. I am forever grateful for the hands that held mine and taught me everything I now know.
Now that I’m not working every day, my intention is to have a balance of stillness while being fully present. To be fully present so I can be fully absent Yikes, that has a sting to it because I never thought I would sign up for something that called me to be absent from my siblings’ lives…
But I have never felt so held, loved, encouraged, affirmed and elevated than at the peak I now find myself. With out a single inch of doubt, I am right where God wants me.
Turning 21 meant putting on a new piece of myself and learning what she looked like and that brought on some nervousness. I was nervous about conducting myself in a way that would make me want to put on shame + My experiences with alcohol up until now have been few and I knew the expectation that came with turning 21. I didn’t have any intentions of drinking myself sick but the idea of being called a goodie good didn’t exactly excite me. I could already picture people reciting to me “come on just have fun!! You’re 21!” thus not being respectful of my boundaries.
So, as the 30th of August grew closer I had this lingering thought and open conversation with God about what being legally allowed to drink looked like, while representing the Kingdom. My string of thoughts went from “So, am I just not allowed to have fun?” to a complete ball of yarn intertwined with truth and reminders of who my actual, true living identity is In Christ. Whiling discerning His voice from my thoughts, He brought me to Hebrews 21:1.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a GREAT CLOUD OF WITNESS, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles us. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”
After reading this I wrote in my journal (to God) “hahaha you just woke me up a little bit 🙂 you do such a good job at completing and bringing clarity to my thoughts. You teach me how to navigate through the newness of life and remind me that my ministry never stops. I am always on witness. Thank you for this new year of life. Thank you for all the lessons, hardships, growth and joy it will bring.”
I could hear the echoes of scripture reminding me to conduct myself worthy before the Lord (Philippians 1:27) and that I am to be set apart from the world (Levi. 20:7).
I did ask God multiple times “Should I just cancel everything now?” But the message here wasn’t “Don’t drink. Don’t go out with you friends. Don’t celebrate turning 21.” It WAS and IS “Remember your identity and what I have called you to. You have A CLOUD OF WITNESS (talk about responsibility). Don’t over indulge on the things of this world. Don’t lose yourself in this newness. Don’t drink yourself sick. Set healthy limits to keep yourself out of bad situations.”
Also, I am forgiven so, yes, it’s good for me to be critical of myself in this way but to remember that I am so so far from perfect and I likely will mess up in this area of my life. And while there’s that, there is ULTIMATELY God’s unending, boundless grace waiting to lavish itself on me.
From 8/30 to 9/3 I have been SO well celebrated. I have laughed, danced and sang almost non-stop. I’ve had Kingdom centered conversations and heard from our Father so much through His word. My favorite night from this weekend had to be from Rockey’s Piano Bar. The pianist played the song I suggested “Come on Eileen” freaking classic. It was such a fun joyful moment I couldn’t help but think “This is from the Lord” so I thanked Him for it. I was singing and dancing around while just thanking God for silly moments such as these.
Welcome to 21 year old me. Who is she?? She is fun and full of joy. She is responsible and not worrisome. These past few days I have felt so free from worry and shame and that’s the way He wants us to be!!
T H A N K Y O U for reading my thoughts and deciphering your way through my run on sentences and comma misplacement <3
