I could write a million and one blog posts about world race training camp. God did SO much that putting pen to paper and choosing what all to share was overwhelming. While processing over the past week between work and regular life, I prayed that God would help me write the story that would tell of His glory the most. I asked Him to peel through the pages of my mind, heart and journal and to highlight the parts that He wants you to see. So, to whoever is reading this, let it seep in, because it really is for you.
First off, I think it’s important for you to see some of my thoughts walking into training camp
August 9th,
It seems like every moment in my life has been leading up to this. God has divinely orchestrated everything I am stepping into. God has been preparing my heart and inviting me to embark with Him into the unknown. And to put everything that I have in His already heavy hands.
His hands are heavy but they do not grow weary or tired. They do not begin to wilt like a flower sagging from the weight of itself. No. HIS hands are firm. Trusting. Forever to hold me and all my parts, never to grow weak.
NIGHT ONE OF WORSHIP
I am standing with my hands open at my side, talking to our Father and I tell Him “Everything I have is yours. My time, my life, my family, my friends, use me for your will.” In little to no time I hear from Him, “shame”. In that moment I knew that God was revealing to me that I was holding onto shame that He already paid for on the cross, it belongs to Him. His already heavy hands WANTED my shame. So, I surrendered and confessed with my hands still at my side and asked God “Now what”. At this point we were only one song into worship and He tells me to worship Him on my knees. I was immediately intimated by this and came up with excuse after excuse “I don’t know these people yet. I don’t want to be a distraction. I don’t even know this song.”. I wanted to bow down before the Father so bad but my flesh had so many ways of saying no. I kept trying to build up the courage to do it but the enemy had ammo ready for me to use to talk myself back down. At one point I said to Him “If they play ‘O Come to the Altar’ next, then I’ll get on my knees.” Well, I wasn’t aware that when I told Him this, we were singing the last song of the night. BUT, the very first song they played the following morning during worship was, you can guess it, ‘O Come to the Altar’ :)) So there I was, standing there taking in the moment, listening to the words “The father’s arms are open wide”. Laughing to myself and thinking about how awesome God is and then the moment got even cooler when a woman approached me with a word from the Lord. Keep in mind I still wasn’t on my knees when this woman approached me. The word she said to me was resistance and she goes on to say “He wants to see you”. YALL this was so real. Like are y’all following this?! —->
Okay, I was using shame as a blanket, keeping myself from being seen by Him SO He told me He WANTS my shame, I gave it to Him. He tells me to get on my knees and praise the ONE who rescued me. I tell Him “No, I’ll do it LaTer” AND THEN He sends one of His Children to say to me “Um hello…stop resisting. He WANTS to SEE YOU. OooOooO does he chase His sheep.
When I finally got down on my knees to worship our God we were singing the words “You’re the reason we came to encounter your love” it was at this time my squad mentor came up to me and began prophesying over me. She said to me “He wants to encounter you in the same way you want to encounter Him.” THIS means He wants to know me. He wants to ask me questions, He wants to know my heart and my desires. He wants to know what I think of Him. Woah.
Amy continued to affirm basically my whole existence with what she said next “There are things in your life that you desire, that align with His will.” And in that moment, I heard from the Holy spirit “You will bear and receive fruit.”
I learned throughout training camp that God was creating in me a “Yes” Spirit and breaking the box that is my comfort zone. Pushing me to do small things like worship Him on my knees in a completely safe environment. So that, doing the big challenging things while overseas won’t seem that scary and I, without hesitation, will say “Yes Lord, whatever it is, I will do it”.
