After spending the day with my mom and sister getting our nails done, and catching up over lunch, my heart felt full. Laughing with them is one of my biggest blessings. We were in the car talking and giggling, taking in the sunny day while Home by Bruno Major played in the back ground. I have listened to this song tons of times but listening to it with the windows down and their laughter harmonizing with the words “I don’t need to build a house of stone cause wherever you are is where I call home” was just so overwhelming that I broke down. In that moment it really HIT me that these people, among others, are my HOME and that is what I will be missing out on. I will be missing out on their jokes and small victories. I will miss out on the graduation of my little brother and sister, birthdays and all the precious moments in-between.
I never doubted if I should go on this race, I felt secure in that decision, but from that moment on I was wrestling with fear and sadness. I was mourning the future loss of time with my family and soaking in the reality of it all. While I was processing this, I was quickly reminded by a wise friend of the abundant blessings that the Lord has in store for me. She wrote me a letter that provided immediate comfort and reassurance.
Brianna wrote “I read Desiring God (by John Piper) recently and came across an amazing chapter about missions that is full of solid truth and encouragement, and I really felt like the Lord was leading me to encourage and share it with you. So, I truly hope this blesses you!”. The crazy awesome thing is that Brianna was not aware of my emotional struggle AND that she gave me this letter only the day after my realization. The Lord uses His children, y’all! She went on to pray specifically for me to experience closeness with God as I prepare for the race and all of it’s newness. She reminded me that through my obedience, others’ lives will be changed for eternity. Since then, I have found myself slowing down in sweet moments to thank God for what He has gifted me with rather than sulking in sadness over what I will be missing. There is a lot more that I could tell you about the letter from Brianna, but I wanted to share with you all another way that the Lord has reaffirmed this next step in my life.
For this New Year I made a list of goals. Some big some small, some may even seem silly like “wear more yellow”. One of my goals was to “love more. Do the small things you always think about doing”. I often have these ideas of how I can bless someone’s day to day life but I never MAKE THE TIME to ACTUALLY DO THEM. Well, I am so so glad that I made that one of my goals and that God has used it as something to condition my heart. He has been reminding me that serving is sacrificial. I was not aware that doing the “small” things would transpire into waking up early to take a mother’s children to school. I didn’t think I would find myself in the library having spirit lead conversations, and I wasn’t anticipating rearranging my schedule so much. Serving IS a sacrifice. Whenever an idea comes to mind of how you can bless someone or make their day, don’t dismiss it because your agenda is too full. Lean into it.
God has been conditioning my heart for this race long before I knew I was going, but I have to say being able to watch it happen has been extremely empowering. I feel empowered by Christ, through the Holy Spirit. I hope that this post has been helpful to you all in some way. Especially those of you who are also preparing for this amazing journey that we will get to go on together. The people whom I will adopt new jokes and enjoy life’s humble and extraordinary moments with while advancing the Kingdom of God!! How special is that?
THANK YOU
*It is only February and I am almost $2,000 into my fundraising!!* This is awesome especially because this is from sending out support letters and word of mouth alone! I am extremely thankful. My “plan” was to give it some time and see how sending letters goes and then I would do some actual fundraising type things. SO you all have a lot to look forward to 😉 Thank you for your continued support.
