I’m Coming Home!

It’s really hard to wrap my head around the fact that I’ll be flying back to the states in just a short 16 days. I’ve been asked a lot lately about how I feel about coming home and if I’m being 100% honest, I have a lot of mixed emotions.

 

Part of me is so stoked to hug family and friends I haven’t seen for a year. I’m so excited to have my own bed that isn’t a thin mattress on the floor. I’m excited for privacy. I’m excited to be able to go to my favorite restaurants and know that I’m not going to get sick or get a parasite or something. I’m so so stoked to have hot showers and wash my clothes in a washing machine that doesn’t have 18 steps to follow/washing things by hand. I’m excited to have a wardrobe that’s more then like 5 worn out outfits. I’m excited to be surrounded by people that speak the same language as me and I’m excited for menus that are in English. I’m excited to flush my toilet paper. And oh my goodness, I’m so excited to see my nephew In person!

 

Even though I’m gaining so much and there are so many things I’ve missed, this is also a huge chapter of my life that is now coming to a close.

It’s a lot to process and if I’m being honest I’ve already shed some tears over it.

 

I’m saying goodbye to everything that has become my new norm. I’m saying goodbye to the amazing community that has helped me grow as a person and who has constantly pointed me back to the Lord in some of the hardest times. I’m so used to sleeping in a room with 5 or more people. In Romania over 20 girls shared one bathroom. The point is I’m used to literally never being alone. Like ever. This has been really hard but also coming home and having time alone has somehow become something that’s a little overwhelming in and of itself. When I talk to my nephew on the phone I also get really emotional because he has changed SO much and it kills me how much I’ve missed.

 

Coming from Asia to South America we had a layover in San Francisco and we were all so stoked. I honestly wasn’t prepared for the anxiety, stress, and tears that came with that stop.

 

Being in the states I totally had forgotten how simple things worked. I couldn’t find light switches because I was so used to looking on the outside of the room for them. I forgot that soap could magically be attached to the sink in the form of a little metal spout which led to me pacing the bathroom floor and asking, “this is the states! where is the soap?!” I forgot that I could actually flush my toilet paper. And then there was Target.

 

The thing I so looked forward to and I just remember standing in the snack aisle for 10 minutes and was so overwhelmed by all the options and literally could not make a simple decision and left with hardly anything. (Also the states are expensive y’all.) Not to mention EVERYONE was speaking English which was like sensory overload. I kept turning thinking it was a squad mate just to realize it was yet again another stranger.

 

It’s something we can laugh about after the fact but it was also really helpful to have people walking alongside me experiencing a lot of the same things.

 

I say all of this to say that even though I’m excited to come home, it’s going to be a huge adjustment. So here are a few ways that you can help me in this process.

 

1. Ask specific questions. I have experienced so much of God on this trip and I would absolutely love to share! But with that said questions like “how was it?” Are really hard to answer. Because it was a year of my life. It’s been hard, it’s been full of joy, there have been a lot of tears and laughter and moments of total awe. So having specific questions can help me give you more specific answers.

2. Understand my brain is tired. So something we’ve experienced is something called culture stress (not to be confused with culture shock.) which basically means every time we go to a new country, we’re experiencing a new culture, a new language, new modes of transportation, new foods (fun question: what weird foods have I experienced? here’s a freebie, in Bolivia I had cow heart) it takes a full year to really start to adjust to a new culture and we’ve been going through this process every month. So basically our brains are trying really hard to keep up with the constant change and it makes simple things really hard. A lot of times I forget my age or what country I’m in. Also words in general can be really hard at times. Calling home my family has already experienced this a bit. Home now feels somewhat foreign. So I’m probs gonna need a lot of grace. Don’t be surprised if I forget what I’m saying mid sentence.

3. Tell me about your life. Like I said, I absolutely would love to share what God has been doing in my life this past year but I’m also really excited to hear about your journey as well.

4. If I need time to myself or I need to step back from a conversation it’s not a reflection on you. Coming home I have a lot I need to process from the race, and things I’ll be struggling to adjust to. It’s a lot and I honestly have no idea how I’m going to handle everything. If I have to take a step back or need time to myself it doesn’t mean you aren’t important to me. I want to hang out with everyone, it might just take me a little time to work my way around.

5. Know that I may be more emotional than usual. I might cry when I sleep on a comfortable bed or use a towel that actually dries me. I don’t really know. I may even cry in the grocery store because I’m so overwhelmed about all the options. Walmart sounds amazing and like a nightmare simultaneously. Please show grace and don’t make me feel bad for being a little unstable, haha.

 

With all of that said, I am genuinely really stoked about seeing everyone so soon! And please don’t feel like you have to tiptoe around me. I just want to be really honest about where I might be and say thanks in advance for showing grace. I love you guys! 16 days!