So as I write this, a picture of my mom and dad has made its way into my brains vision. I can see the nervous sweats and the panicked looks on your faces so let me start by saying no, I’m not in jail so please stop dialing the us embassy.
I was going to title this blog 11 to life but I didn’t think people would get how clever it was.
If you’re still scratching your head, don’t fret! I’ll give you a glimpse of how my mind ticks.
Let’s start from the middle!
Something I heard at launch has really stayed with me.
“Jesus is free… Christ will cost you everything.” In 1 Corinthians 3:15 it says, “If any man’s work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.”
Growing up I struggled a lot, and I mean a lot with my salvation.
As part of the youth I had always been very active and very much enjoyed our outings we would go on. whether it be Bible studies, handing out tracks, or having a lock-in where Jesus was sometimes a topic.
I loved the church and I loved spending time with my friends. I thought I loved Jesus. Looking back now, if I’m totally honest I was more a fan.
When things got hard I ran away from His open arms and tried to take care of myself and made my life pretty messy in the process.
A lot like my parents, I loved God but I didn’t understand His heart and His reasons for telling me no. There were so many times I prayed for things and searched for things and God was either telling me no or not yet and I didn’t understand. I didn’t know at the time that because He’s my loving and faithful father He was wanting to protect me from things I was too blind to see.
More than once I found myself wondering if the Christian life was really worth it.
I grew up hearing of miracles and grace and being told that Jesus loves me but a very large part of my life was filled with empty words that didn’t really mean anything.
I unknowingly attached those feelings of rejection and lies to my loving God and thought there’s no way that He would want someone like me.
I believed the Bible, I believed His promises and yet I felt like I was an exception to the grace He’d showered over so many before me.
I felt like I wasn’t good enough to be His… and to be totally honest I didn’t know if I wanted to sacrifice things I wanted to live a Christian life.
Not that I wanted everything the world offers but I thought being a Christian meant I had a ton of rules to follow.
My mind was so warped about so many things and what it means to be loved and to love others.
When I finally said, “Jesus take the wheel!” (Carrie Underwood has a way with words) I told God whatever He wanted for me. When I heard of the race it was a big deal but I said, “ok God, if this is what you want for me I’ll do it. I mean it’s only 11 months, right?.”
Plot twist. The gravy thickens.
It’s not just 11 months.
God tells us to pick up our cross and follow Him daily. That means everyday when I wake up I’m looking to God and asking, “what do you have for me today God?” It doesn’t end when the race ends.
And while that’s a little scary, to give up complete control of my life… I find so much comfort in it because He knows the plans He has for me, and they are so much better than anything I could plan.
Sometimes following Jesus looks like sitting and chatting with the people on the corner, teaching English, picking up trash off the streets, picking corn from the field. And sometimes it means dying for Him. He never promised it would be easy or glamorous, I mean taking up a cross doesn’t sound like a lot of fun. It’s not just about saying yes when it’s easy, it’s having faith and saying yes when it’s hard.
But wow oh wow, following God is so rewarding! It’s so freeing and I am never alone.
Following Jesus is not serving time. It’s such a rad way to live. I don’t want to just get into heaven. I want to bring heaven to earth. I want to have a fire burning in me so bright that the world can’t help but see it. Not because of who I am, but because of who He is. He is holy. He is righteous. And His grace is bigger than me. Bigger than my sins.
See, I was tired of begging God to change my life without actually handing over the reigns. So I surrendered. I gave Him control and it’s something I have to choose every morning.
It’s not just a mission trip. Jesus gives us His love and His grace freely. We have this amazing choice of what we are going to do with that. Jesus is free but choosing God, choosing to pick up our cross daily to follow Him, that costs everything.
It’s not just 11 months, I’m in this for life.
