Today something crazy and unexpected happened. Today God spoke to me through my one and a half year old nephew, Jameson. No it wasn’t some kind of big moment that immediately stood out to me and made me say “wow, that’s a God thing!” But it’s slowly starting to hit me that God is in everything.
It all started with my weakness…
My kryptonite if you may. You got it, the ever so smooth… chocolate.
It’s this thing that so many people love and crave and seem to want more of after they get that first bite. My sister was holding my nephew and just loving on him how moms do when he noticed it. The two big jars filled to the top with assorted chocolates. She reaches over and unwraps a piece for him. That was all it took. He had that first taste and now he was hooked. Then what happened next made me laugh and think “yeah right.”
She looks him in the eye, this baby that can’t even form full sentences and holds up a piece of beautifully wrapped chocolate and says “this piece is for your brother. Go give this to him and I’ll have a piece unwrapped and waiting for you.” She hands him the chocolate and sets him down all the while I’m thinking “he’s not going to go into a different room to find his brother to give him what he clearly wants himself.” You see he already knew what he was holding onto was good, and he wanted it more than anything else in that moment. I honestly didn’t even know if he understood what she was asking him to do.
To my amazement he immediately turned and started on his journey. He had to travel through two different rooms but he finally reached his destination. He didn’t question it, he didn’t hesitate. He walked straight up to his brother, held his hand out and as Leeland tried to receive it with a very grateful “thank you!” We all realized Jameson wasn’t prepared to let go.
He didn’t throw a tantrum, he didn’t jerk away, he just couldn’t seem to tear his eyes off of what he had in his hand. He couldn’t release that grip he had on it. He was frozen. It took my sister kneeling down to his level and holding up that piece of chocolate she had promised him for him to finally let go.
I know to most this was probably a really small moment that doesn’t mean much but all day it stayed with me and I couldn’t quiet figure out why… until now. Until this moment, at 2 am and sleep is no where to be found, and everything has somehow just clicked.
To be able to stand here and compare myself to this baby whose understanding is somewhat limited and yet I feel like I totally and completely relate. Not just as a person but on a spiritual level.
Just like my nephew I have a loving parent that wants good things for me. In fact I have a loving Father that knows a love for me so much deeper than anything we can imagine. I felt God call me for the race. It’s really one of the few things in my life I felt very sure about. I questioned how God could use me and why he would choose me but deep down I knew that this is what He wanted for me.
It didn’t matter that I’m not the most qualified or the fact that I too often fall short, because… well, it’s not about me. We were created with a purpose and all things are possible with God. I just have to listen and trust.
When I made the decision to apply I said “well… here I am God. I’ll do whatever you want, you just have to open the doors.” And I went. From that moment on I went without hesitation and without worries because God promised me He would never leave me and He would not forsake me and I had no reasons not to trust my God to stay true to those promises. I started fundraising and getting vaccines and gear and I was excited to see what God had in store. I walked out in faith. But then it all became very real to me on the day that our launch was released.
Now here I am, holding out my chocolate and wondering why it’s so hard to let go… to say goodbye to everyone and everything I know for 11 months. Part of me doesn’t want to because it’s so good and the thought of leaving the people I love and know is scary. But God, my loving father is gently saying “baby, I got you. I’m right here. Just let go, trust me. Remember my promise.”
I dont understand everything and I don’t know what God has planned but He knows. It’s not all promised to be good but my daddy made me a promise and whatever happens I know He is with me and He loves me. So here’s to taking that leap of faith, taking a breath, abandoning the known and letting go.
