Lately God has been teaching me how to be in and grow healthy friendships. Not going to lie, sometimes I want to take the easy way out, say something about how I’m not a ‘people person’, just cover myself in blankets, and pretend other humans don’t exist. But I know I need to face my insecurities and trust issues, and God knows that community is what is best for me. This has been a work in progress for pretty much the whole race, and let’s just say I’ve had some recent developments.
About two weeks ago, when I asked God to show me how to trust others and make friends, He told me to learn to trust Him as my friend, and from that, everything would fall into place. And I was like ‘Cool, I can do that!’ I’m pretty sure this isn’t the first time I’ve used this phrase in a blog, but I’m going to do it again; I had no idea what God had planned.
I’d been doing a great job at accepting God’s comfort. Not going to lie, crying in the arms of the Lord of the universe and knowing He cares is a great feeling. However, God started convicting me, poking at parts of me that He wants to help me transform. That did not feel as nice, and I got mad. Those of you who know me are aware I don’t get mad very often, the last time was this past Spring for reference. But I was so angry, I didn’t even want to talk to Him. But due to some forceful encouragement from a teammate, I begrudgingly woke up and did some quiet time.
God helped me process in such an amazing mixture of comfort and conviction, and I was in awe! He told me that He loves me just the same in conviction as in comfort. Even if my fight or flight kicks in, this truth still stands. One of my team leaders shared this verse, which is perfect for what I was feeling,
“My son, do not despise the Lord ‘s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.”
Proverbs 3:11?-?12
God also gave me a spoken word, which I have written below. I’m still a little shocked at how good He is. I was mad, throwing a tantrum like a child, and He still just lavishes a gift on me!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Then why do I feel like I’m going to fall?
Your love is so good and I know I should
Accept that love even if thoughts would lie.
You wash over me, but sometimes I see,
That big old wave coming, and I want to flee.
I know that wave will smack, break.
But it isn’t out of hate
That you pick at my heart,
Tearing at every part.
Ripping away the bandages
I managed to wrap around, a temporary care
Exposing the aching flesh to your sharp cold air
I wasnt prepared
For the sting of an old wound, still like fresh.
I’m not in the womb
I’ve been born new.
But I want to stay a child,
Wrapped in your arms while,
I lament the past.
But this stage wasn’t meant to last.
No, I need to grow.
Your love is so much more than just a comfort
It’s a symphony, a beautiful melody.
Well, it’s time for a new movement.
The soft notes don’t need improvement,
But I need to open my ears to hear,
The harsh strings, the resounding horn, the booming drum
I need to remove my thumbs
From my ears, stop saying this isn’t love.
Every chord, no matter the dissonance,
Is a part of the song you’ve invited me to listen in.
He loves me too much to let me stay stagnant,
Instead drawing me close like a magnet,
Is stuck to my soul.
Even on days when I’m trying to hide from His patrol
Because His healing means work and conviction.
It means friction.
Rubbing off the flesh that causes me so much pain,
So He can make me right as rain.
This is His refrain.
I’ll listen and stand tall,
While His wave of love like a wall,
Comes to me and He’ll give me the courage,
To open my arms stretched out.
Trusting Him, because He knows what love is all about.
Thank you so much for reading! Please be encouraged that God loves you the same unthinkable, uncontainable, absolutely ridiculous amount as He always has, not matter what you think or feel! Have an amazing week!
Maggie
