this past weekend, my squad had the opportunity of having a conference with two other squads on the field in honduras – one is finishing up their 4th month on the race and the other squad is finishing up their 11th month…so basically they are DONE. *GULP* it was a weekend full of worshipping, fellowshipping, and diving into the Father’s love together.
i’m gonna let ya’ll in on a struggle i’ve been walking through lately: hearing God. it seemed like literally everyone around me was constantly saying “God told me this” “God told me that” “listen to what the Lord told me today!” … and here i was…hearing nothing.
i’ve been waking up at 5:30am and having quiet time with my bible and journal from 5:45 until 8:20.
i’ve been praying.
i’ve been processing what the Father is teaching me.
i’ve been doing all the things!
and still….nothing. i hear nothing.
it’s frustrating. i had been so frustrated. saturday it got to a point where i was sitting at a table, writing furiously in my journal and angry crying (because that’s the only time i’m good at crying, ya know? lol).
where are you God??? why can’t i hear you?? i’m doing my best and still there is nothing. come ON!!
saturday night, God shook me to my core.
we went to a session that evening, where we would hear a teaching from our keynote speaker. but first, we worshipped.
but this was not just any kind of worship session…this was different. one like i had never experienced before.
corporate worship, you ever heard of it?
in corporate worship, God’s people come into His presence to declare the praises of their king (Psalm 47), to acknowledge their sin to Him (Psalm 1), and to hear His covenantal word (Exodus 19:825, 20:18-21). our whole being should be involved in worship (see the descriptive terms used in Exodus 19 and Revelation 4). such worship glorifies God and edifies His people in the process.
what started with only voices, arms raised, and a guitar, eventually turned into a whole new environment: people being prayed over for healing and darkness, on their knees surrendering to the Father, tears pouring down faces, words honestly cannot describe what this was like.
i had a revelation in this time, and yes, i heard from the Father.
backstory: last month, my team leader, Rashad, was watching a sermon and listening to worship music by himself when i noticed he had a stream of peaceful tears streaming down his face. i thought to myself “man…i want to be so in love with the Father that i just lose my composure in His presence like that.”
be careful what you pray for, people.
back to the worship session
i found myself with arms stretched out, standing and worshipping, and i opened my eyes to see Reed, our keynote speaker, hugging a racer. he had her in a tight embrace with his chin resting on her head, and she was weeping.
i had two thoughts come to mind:
1. wow, i miss my dad hugging me like that.
2. that is how Jesus embraces us when we need to be held.
that morning, a friend had been praying and came to me saying she had heard a word for me, and that word was held. (she heard it from the Lord so like yes i was grateful she shared that with me but also like UH HELLO GOD STILL WAITING FOR YOU TO SPEAK TO ME!!!)
before i could even process anything going on in my head, there were tears streaming down my face. i stood in a posture of worship, listened to my family around me praising the Father, and let the tears fall.
“my child, come to me and know that i will meet you in this place, and i will hold you.”
it was in that moment that the Father held me.
and i have never in my life felt more known or loved.
