8 years ago today, my entire life was changed…completely…forever. some would say it was wrecked, some would say it was over, but i say it’s where the life that i am living now began.
i was 15 years old when i was falling asleep and thought i had heard my dad come home. i ran down the stairs to tell him goodnight, only to my surprise i was greeted by a police man. and then another one. i asked what was going on, but they refused to tell me. they thought i should wait for my mom to tell me. she came out of the bathroom, grabbed me tightly, sobbed into my shoulder, and said three words i’ll never forget: “daddy…he’s gone”.
i fell to my knees. “no God, please, not this.”
my life was over. my life was wrecked. in shambles. in pieces. how does one come back from a tragedy like this? especially after the years the Lord had already put my family through? why?
things were finally smooth in my life and in my family. i remember writing in my journal on november 17th, 2010 thanking God for finally settling life down for a change. no more craziness. i was happy. i was content. i loved where things were in my life.
then november 18th happened. my best friend, my dad, was gone. forever.
i walked away from my faith. i couldn’t trust God anymore. how could a God that loved and cared for his people so deeply, take my person from me? how could i believe that he had good intentions with this? that makes no sense; there’s no logic in that.
guess what friends? our God is not a god of logic. if you follow logic, faith makes no sense. faith is illogical.
faith is complete trust or confidence in someone or something. not partial or sort-of-believing, but complete trust.
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen“ Hebrews 11: 1
so how did i get to where i am today? clearly i came back to my faith or i wouldn’t be on a journey around the world sharing the name of Jesus Christ and the belief that he saves lives.
i had a revelation. i couldn’t tell you when or where, but it happened. my faith was so wishy-washy before losing my dad. i told God that i would only believe if He kept good things coming, and i was so focused on the crap in my life that the blessings were being drowned out or completely looked over as a whole.
sometime in college, when i came back to my faith and decided to make it my own, i realized a major thing in my life:
in order for me to look to God as my Father, he had to take my earthly Father. i no longer had someone here on earth to look to for making my dreams come true. i had to give my whole heart, trust, and faith to God as my Father, and in order to do that, He took my earthly Father.
does that make it hurt any less? absolutely not.
does it make this day any easier? nope.
does that mean i don’t still miss my dad with every fiber of my being? no.
but i CAN say that i am at peace with this chapter of my life. the Lord promises to never take without giving something in return. in Job 1:21, Job states “the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.”
and that is what i will continue to do: praise the name of the Lord in all things – the big things, the small things, the easy things, and the hard things. because His name is great and he deserves all the praise.
if you’re reading this and you’re currently in a valley, keep trekking with the Lord. He WILL provide a way up to the top of the next mountain! and the fruits you will see on top of that mountain will be beautiful. the pain will come, but the faithfulness of the Father never fades.
much love to my people,
xoxo mags. <3
