43 Signs of Change
Thinking about going home to be honest kinda freaks me out. How the heck am I supposed to explain to people how different I am if everything that changed about me is internal? I look the same, I think, I feel the same, but I know inside my heart and mind have shifted in wildly significant ways. And I know there’s ways I have changed that I’m not even aware of yet, but even with all that unknown I’m still going to attempt to put into words how I think I have changed based off what I know I’ve learned and things that have significantly impacted me. I challenge you to, if you’re able, to call out other changes you see in me as well, good or bad, I don’t care I wanna know. Although my biased opinion would say that my change is almost entirely positive.
So in a rather long bullet point form here’s how I know I’ve changed/what I’ve learned about myself/ things that have significantly impacted me:
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I am able to recognize through the way people speak about themselves or how I think and speak about myself how they or I am really doing- negative talk is always associated with some sort of believe in a lie about identity, which is straight up not from God
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I am willing to dive into the hurt, the hard stuff that God has brought me through (or currently has me in) and be completely filled with hope and confidence that healing is about to come from it. Every hurt or pain I see differently now, I know its an opportunity to dive into intimacy with Jesus and for him to show me where he’s at in it, or where he was at when whatever it was that hurt me happened.
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I am able to sense when someone or something is off- I just feel so much deeper the spiritual realm around me and am able to call out influences of the enemy upon people or places. I know I have the gift of discernment to call it out, pray it out, and replace whatever is from the enemy with whatever goodness God has instead
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I am wildly more confident of the promises God has for me and my life- and shoot dang they are so good! Even if to other people they sounds absolutely absurd, haha that okay! That’s even more of a confirmation to me that these promises are from God. Ff people hear the promises I put my faith in and think I’m crazy, ah I love it, its for sure from God if I can’t “make” that promise happen myself!
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I have three tattoos now (and had none before the race) and definitely want more- my entire view on getting tattoos overseas is changed; if its clean and its cheap I’m in!
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I used to judge hostels and think they’re weird and unsafe because you share space with complete strangers, but they’re actually awesome and a great way to meet new people. And some are actually super nice!
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I am one million percent more thankful for the little things in life than I ever have been before! Basic things like being able to drink tap water, or always having water available to you, hot showers, healthy food, being able to choose what I eat, running wherever and whenever I want, safety, clean places to sleep and eat and clean myself, etc. (this list might just have to be a different blog entirely)
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My intimacy with God the Father, Jesus my bro, and Holy Spirit my best pal has increased so much- ah man I can just feel the tangibility of their presence all the time and I can ask for it all the time when I don’t feel it, they’re just there always! I love it!
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I know how weighty my words can be, the way I encourage people and speak to them about how God speaks to me about them is so powerful, and I just want to encourage people with God’s words so much!
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I am so confident in how clearly God speaks to me- and I know he wants me to share those things more often!
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I’ve learned to ask for what I need and to ask for help more often. I used to see my needs as inconvenient but oh my gosh they’re not people love to help me and I am allowed to ask for what I need, people want to support that, and things that are good for me (like running, eating well, and asking for someone to maybe go to the doctor with a teammate instead of me when I feel like I need to sleep because I feel like crap). – there were some places that were unsafe for me to run alone so I had to learn to ask for someone to just come wake up early with me and watch me run on the beach or walk near me.
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I understand a lot more of my little tendencies and the whys behind them- Thank you Enneagram, and Meyers briggs!
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If I follow my instincts and prompting of the Holy Spirit more I’ll be less worried about how everyone else fits into these little plans I know the Lord tells me about. I will be okay, and everyone else will be okay too!
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Common sense to me is not the same to everyone else, which was crazy to figure out for me, but we’re all raised differently and thats why communication is so so important!
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I tend to mold into people I spend a lot of time with, but I know that I can stay true to myself when I feel off because Jesus is awesome at reminding me who I uniquely am!
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The more I ask for thing I need the more I receive those things! Like fundraising… dang. How on God’s green earth did I raise $18,200?! Ha! I didn’t I just prayed and asked God to provide and to show me the people to ask, and I just kept asking and here we are!
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I need to run or I go insane- for real ask my first team… lol
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I love taking care of my health and encouraging other people to do the same, and I don’t think that’ll ever change! Also I’m so much more confident that God wants me to follow my passion of learning about the human body, holistic health, healing, mental illness, nutrition, and all things health! Hence why I’m for sure going back to school, and I’m pumped about it, I miss school!
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I know this is just the beginning of my life of missions, I’m positive that I’m going to continue to travel and follow where Jesus wants me to be my entire life.
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I know my uniqueness, and I’m so much more confident in it than I have ever been. I love myself more than I have before and its only because Holy Spirit has been whispering in my ear all year long truths about who I am and why I am important.
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I’m a good leader. And I always have what it takes. I already am enough as I am. And this is a gift. Thanks Jesus.
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Just because its different doesn’t mean its wrong (thanks Katy Michael), this goes for decision making, the things I know the Lord tells me, etc. With this I’ve learned Its okay to bend the rules if God tells you to do something that is a little out of the guidelines we are given by others. There is freedom in listening to God above the voices of others.
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I will never interact with someone that doesn’t speak the same language as me the same way ever again, I know how it feels to be laughed at when trying to communicate and failing many times. Freaking google translate and hand motions can get you so much farther than you think. And communication is so much more than words!
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I love having people tell me ways in which they know I am strong but also areas in my life they see that I am lacking or weak and are able to point me toward Jesus in those areas; I love feedback!
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I cry more than I used to, and I’m 100% positive its because of the Holy Spirit. I’m a deep feeler man and I’ve learned to own it without shame.
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God trusts me to make decision, and I can trust that he trusts me! Whats the point of being in a relationship with someone if you don’t trust them, or trust that they trust you? All of my actions would be different if there wasn’t trust. There are no wrong decisions to make if I know that Jesus is already all up in the “nexts”; he lets me choose, he is freedom!
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I’m not the greatest at following up with or continually checking in with people, and I really wanna get better at that.
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Art, painting and drawing in particular, are huge ways for me to just chill and connect with the Lord, I always knew this about myself but totally just forgot how significant it was until this year.
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I’m majorly a verbal/external processor and sometimes I’m not great at actually speaking or writing out everything I’ve feeling or need to until my emotions hit me like brick wall and I’m cry on a plane or bus watching a chick flick of some sort.
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I can be really good at burying my small but significant emotions until something triggers them, then I need to just externally process either via writing or talking. And I just want to be heard, not told advice on what to do all the time, but first I just need to be heard and to know I’m heard then I’ll receive advice or wisdom on whatever it is I just word vomited.
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I really like writing! And I need to to process my emotions, experiences, etc.
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Safety isn’t something that is always guaranteed in life, but Jesus is bigger than every situation that I felt unsafe in, his angels are much bigger and stronger than my worries or fears.
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I hate fear! I hate seeing it control peoples’ actions (mine included) it literally destroys people. Same with doubt, that sucks too. Seeing people and recognizing in myself situations in which fear and doubt swayed specific action in highly negative ways is literally the worst. Ah man yea fear and doubt sucks.
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I need in my soul for truth to win over fear and doubt. I’ll shout it from he rooftops truth I see in someone or something. I tend to try my best to keep harmony among any situation and observe and be quiet but man if I sense untruth reigning in a situation I cannot keep quiet.
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There is also a lot of discernment involved in knowing when to challenge someone to overcome fear and knowing when to step back and let them figure it out and let them come to their own revelation with Jesus. I can’t change people, only Jesus can.
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I am much more type B than I thought I was. Yes I love having plans, and establishing personal rituals, but shoot I’m good with not having control over a lot more than I used to. I used to get so stressed about the “nexts” and the small details of things, and I’ve learned so much about how Jesus is just so much bigger than those worries. My worries and control literally change nothing. But my prayers do!
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The less control I have on my life the better. And the more dreams I have the better. Jesus wants to give me all of the things I need and dream and pray for! He’s just that cool and kind!
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My “no’s” can be just as powerful as my “yeses”
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I highly dislike feeling misunderstood. But I also can express when I feel misunderstood because not everyone in my life can read my mind, and there’s a lot going on up there!
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My top love languages are for sure quality time and words of affirmation, and physical touch is a lot higher than I think it is. I need hugs! Its for real good for me!
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I understand better what it feels like to be the minority in any place, to be honest it kinda sucks. White face value sucks. I don’t know why people think I have more money, or am more sexual, or don’t actually understand what they’re saying about or to me (when really their hand motions and facial expressions give them away) just because I’m a white female. And it also doesn’t help that I’m blonde. But its cool, my patience has definitely increased!
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I need to be filled up; listen to messages or sermons or read books, and to talk about them with friends to continue to grow in my relationship with Jesus! When I fill up I can pour out!
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I’m not even close to being done with this whole traveling thing. There’s more places to go and people to meet and encounters with the Lord to be had. This is just the beginning of the rest of my life and I know it.
