For almost 5 weeks I’ve stared at my computer screen, unable to put to words everything that I’m thinking and feeling.
The last month of the Race was the most overwhelming.
This is what happened, among other things:
-my sweet friend and TL, Erin, went home to take care of her grandmother
-Jackie took me to Bangkok, Thailand for an appointment at an international hospital
-dengue and 104 degree fevers hit a couple of squad members
-my phone got stolen
-AND all of our AIM cards stop working which means no money to pay for transportation, food, and water for the squad
And that all is just the tip of the iceberg.
I haven’t even mentioned the emotional burden of processing the fact that in 14 days the Race will end and I will say goodbye to my people.
Just looking at all of what has happened, I am not surprised that I haven’t been able to write a blog. The things that I write typically come from an overflow of the things that I’ve been learning, and the understanding and peace that have come through the trials of the Race.
But these weeks have been a lot more trial than understanding, a lot more recovery than thriving. A lot more standing back up than actually running anywhere.
So I’m writing not about how far or how fast I’ve learned to run in the past weeks, but how much practice I’ve had at standing back up.
A verse that I used to read over and over has again been echoing in my mind:
“when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”
stand your ground.
stand your ground.
stand your ground.
and after everything, to stand.
after e v e r y t h i n g, to stand.
stand.
stand.
stand.
It’s really repetitive. And I think that’s significant.
I think we have to put on the full armor of God daily.
I think we have to stand up. Daily.
Because this excerpt from Ephesians 6 doesn’t say when the day of evil comes run faster. It doesn’t say when the day of evil comes start swinging your experience left and right to protect yourself.
No.
It says to stand.
To put on the armor of God and just stand.
It says
Buckle the belt of truth,
Embrace the breastplate of righteousness,
Fit your feet with the readiness
that comes from the gospel of peace.
Take up the shield of faith,
Don the helmet of salvation,
Grip the sword of truth.
So while my flesh is overwhelmed by the things of this world,
I am ok.
My breath is shaky and my mind wanders, but
My heart is grounded, and my soul is stable.
Because I have put on the full armor of God, so when the day of evil comes, I may be able to stand my ground, and after I have done everything, to stand.
Thanks God for fortitude and resilience. For endurance and understanding when I am overwhelmed.
