This time last year I would have said I walked in a lot of stress.
I was stressed about what I would do in the fall, what I would do in the summer, what people thought of me, who I would get to spend time with during the week and who would want to spend time with me on the weekends.
I was stressed about anything and everything.
As the year went on, the Lord showed me that my stress stemmed from my need for control.
I wanted to control what would happen, how people thought of me, my grades, my relationships, pretty much anything I could wrap my hands around I wanted control of.
I just wanted control. And since I can’t control everything, I was stressed.
Now I’m on the race, and the Lord is teaching me a lot about control. He’s teaching me what I have control over and what I don’t, and he’s teaching me that my desire for control has a root of fear.
What am I afraid of? Well to list off a few things: the bus, large groups of people in one place, loud unexplained noises, the future, flashing lights, police cars while I’m driving, the possibilities of irrational diseases, and most things I don’t understand.
To boil it down, I walk in fear. I walk in fear of what I can’t control so I do everything in my power to regain control. And since I can’t control everything, I stress.
But life was not created to dwell in stress, it was created to dwell in trust.
The Creator did not breathe life into dust to let it fend for itself, he breathed out of capacity for dependence.
He knew that as soon as trust in him was broken, fear and shame and stress would enter the equation.
His desire was that we would trust in him forever, but we left behind trust and chose stress and shame and fear.
To put it simply,
Trust and fear cannot exist in the same space.
But it’s time that I realize it’s not too late to lay down my fear and pick back up the trust that my Creator has extended to me.
For when I am clinging 100% to the promises that God has made to me, there is no way that fear can enter.
He has promised new mercies daily, how can I fear the future?
He has promised my good and his glory, how can I fear pain?
He has promised peace and joy, how can I fear uncomfortability?
He has promised I will find what I seek, how can I fear misunderstanding?
He has promised fruit from abidance, how can I fear lack of discernment?
I could go on for so long, but ultimately it all boils down to this:
He has promised his Spirit, how can I fear the enemy?
The answer is I can’t, or at least there’s no point.
Sure I can still fear the bus, or lots of people, or irrational diseases, but why would I?
If he’s already given me freedom from fear, then why would I cling to fear?
Quite honestly, I don’t know why I cling to fear, but I have a guess.
It could be that I simply don’t know how to walk in freedom. Or maybe I do know, I just forget.
It’s not as simple as walking through the front door, walking in freedom is much more difficult.
It means choosing trust. It means choosing to give up a desire for knowledge. It means accepting that I don’t understand everything but through everything I WILL BE OKAY. It means ignoring Satan and his lies to make room for real truth. It means taking truth from the head to the heart. It means rejecting the ways of the world with full confidence in the ways of the cross.
It’s not easy to walk in freedom, it takes a boldness I don’t always believe that I have.
BUT I HAVE IT. I have freedom, I have boldness, and I have the Holy Spirit, SO HOW CAN I FEAR THE ENEMY??
So coming into 2019, this is what I have spoken over myself.
I declare freedom from fear. I choose to walk away from the grip of control and stress, and into the freedom I’m promised.
