“I’m stressed. “
This is something I’ve said more times in the past 5 days than I have maybe in my whole life.
30 minute layovers when your plane is 15 minutes late, that’s stressful.
Catching the wrong bus when everyone only speaks Spanish, that’s stressful.
Trying to give 10 people $7 when you only have $20s, that’s stressful.
Being introverted with 50 people in one house- stressful.
Not having wifi- stressful.
Vulnerability- stressful.
I’m just stressed.
But I don’t think that I am any more stressed than normal. I think that I am simply more aware of the stress that I experience everyday. Evidently, I stress way more than I need to. I had no idea how much it bothers me to not be in control and I thought that I was totally ok with not having complete control. But I was wrong.
I think the Lord is sweet in rocking boats that seem smooth. He doesn’t confuse peace for false harmony. He makes our struggles prominent, not to destroy us but to show us what is already silently destroying us. He makes us aware of sin and darkness in the corners of our lives so that we can bring them into the light. He is so good, even when it feels stressful.
So don’t worry, I’m thanking the Lord for my stress. He’s gently and firmly telling me to LET IT GO. He’s making sure that I have no perceived control, but endless trust in His control. He’s affirming that stress is real, but peace in Him is achievable through His spirit.
I cannot make myself stop stressing and I cannot simply push away what I feel, because that puts me in control. I’m not in control. Oh wow, it’ll take a while to figure that out, but I’m not in control. Praise God I’m not in control. Praise God He is.
On a side note- WE HAD OUR FIRST DAY OF MINISTRY IN ECUADOR YESTERDAY!!
Me and my team are serving in an organization called Pan de Vida (for all those who don’t speak spanish- Bread of Life). This organization has tons of ministries- they serve meals on Wednesdays and Sundays, they teach women to sew and to perform more sustainable jobs, they have tons of classes for kids of all ages, and most importantly they are super successful in sharing the love of Christ in Quito.
