A short story that I wrote about my current emotions on the race and how its okay if the only reason I came onto the field was to fall more in love with the Lord:
We had slowly run out of things to talk about as the day progressed on. We were finally at a point were there was only one thing left to say and that was something that I didn’t feel particularly excited to discuss. He finally broke the silence as we approached a small bench barely big enough for both of us.
“Don’t you understand? The only reason I took you away from everything was to fall more in love with me. You were distracted, distant, running away from me when all I was trying to do was pursue you,” he motioned me to sit down next to him. I was shocked that he would even say such a thing.
“I was comfortable, I was happy, I was content! If you love me, why would you take me away from all of those good things?”
“You were settling, masking your real emotions and calling it happiness. How else was I supposed to get you to notice me?”
“I don’t know! Send a card, blast an airhorn, just talk to me!” I turned my back to him an mumbled, “You didn’t have to do all this, I would’ve listened.”
His voice was never harsh and always loving, but there was something serious about his tone, “You have been saying that you would listen to me for years now,” he paused and I turned to face him again, “yet every time I get your attention, it never lasts long enough for me to tell you how much I love you.”
“I know that you love me.”
“But do you know this in your mind or in your heart. The love that I have for you is more than you could ever imagine.”
I went silent as I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes. “So, this is was all done for me?”
“Of course, I wanted you, all of you. I would do it all again even if it was just for you. I was in agony watching you walk away from me when all I wanted to do with you was strengthen our relationship.”
I didn’t have words to say, I couldn’t help it as the tears slowly started rolling down my cheeks. I knew that he thought I was priceless in his eyes and wouldn’t care at the snotty mess I was becoming but I felt ashamed for crying. I felt guilty for always running away. I just wanted to get away from everything. However, I knew in my gut that this time it would be different, I wanted it to be different, I needed it to be different. Because if it wasn’t, I didn’t think I could keep pushing forward.
“Beloved,” he tenderly said, “I would do anything for you. I would follow you to the ends of the earth if it meant that we get to be together. You are mine and I am yours, I never want to be apart from you. I had to pull you away from your comforts and bring you to this place so that you would finally give me your full attention. Do you understand now?”
I nodded slowly, I finally got it. I wanted to tell him right then and there that I would be a totally different woman from that point on and I would never go back to what I once was but I knew I couldn’t make a promise like that. I wasn’t and am not perfect and I know that I am going to make another mistake again even after all that he has done for me. But I was going to try my best.
“I know you will,” he said as a warm and friendly smile spread across his face, “and I’ll be right here to help you through it all.”
