Life can be funny sometimes; with all its twists and turns, and constant changes. Then there are all the people you meet that come and go out of your life, or maybe it’s you that goes…
When I left my home of 6 years in Florida the week after Thanksgiving, I expected a certain amount of goodbyes. I said goodbye to my job with its 6-figure income, and all the nice people I met there who helped make my work experience as a doctor less stressful and a little more enjoyable. I said goodbye to my friends, my ballet, my church home and all the people I met there who impacted my life in such a positive way. I said goodbye to my comfort zone and any certainty of what my future looks like as I am just walking out this journey by faith. I said goodbye to the beach, my luxury apartment, all my stuff, my cozy bed, and a good nights sleep for who knows how long.
When I left Florida I planned on spending the last 5 weeks of my time in the U.S. before my trip in Kansas where I’m from to be with my family over the holidays. As a doctor working every holiday and Christmas, it would be the first Christmas I had off in 6 years. Needless to say, I was looking forward to it.
But, life can be funny sometimes…
Unfortunately, my plans did not go quite as expected. The week I was moving back, my dads heath took a turn for the worse. He had been battling a blood disease for a year and a half. This disease turned into blood cancer earlier in the year. In July he had battled this cancer for 5 weeks in the hospital with strong chemotherapy and at that time, by the grace of God, he overcame it. This time the cancer was back and he was losing the strength and the will to fight it.
When I left Florida I was excited to greet my family with open arms and spend as much quality time with them before my trip. I wasn’t expecting to say goodbye to them…at least not yet. My dad passed away on December 7th, 2018. One week and one day after I made it back to see him in the hospital. It felt like the worst week of my life. During the time, all I could think about was why now? Why this week??? Why didn’t I get to see him at home for Christmas? 🙁 Why did I have a dream about this entire scenario two months prior to his diagnosis in July 2017?? Now all coming true. It was a living nightmare. Everything played out before my eyes just like in my dream. Maybe I will write more on this later but for now it’s something I choose to forget.
Life can be funny sometimes…
Weather you like it or not life sometimes forces you to be good at goodbyes.
In this bleak mid winter, I said my goodbyes to my dad in his hospital bed. But that’s just goodbye here on this earth. I have this assurance I will see him again one day in Heaven. Oh death where is your sting?
No, this time period was not without many tears. The holidays were not the same without him this year, and even now, he is dearly missed. I’m human and I grieve. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Numbness, can I add numbness to the stages of grieving? But even through all this, I am not alone. I have the Holy Spirit to comfort me. It has been 3 weeks since my dads passing. Now I just feel a sense of peace and stillness. When I think of my dad I think of him in Heaven. No more pain and no more suffering.
Soon, I will say goodbye to my mom as she wishes me farewell on my trip. But I know it’s not goodbye, just so long for now.
No matter what happens in this life I know I will see my loved ones, my family, my friends, my acquaintances, and even my passer byers again one day. Those who believe in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, we will meet again in Heaven.
“And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and welcome you into My presence, so that you also may be where I am.” -John 14:3
Lastly, I wanted to share the words of this song I picked to be played at my dads funeral. It is a great reminder of the promises we have in Christ. If you don’t know Him, please accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior so that you too can have this assurance of seeing your loved ones again someday in Heaven.
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
Fullness of God in helpless babe.
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live.
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.
