It’s a common thing to be asked “how old are you?” by people everywhere we go. In Guatemala we would all answer, and without fail, every person I told my age was shocked that I was nineteen. They all believed me to be thirteen or fourteen at the max. After that, it became a sort of running joke that when we were asked how old we were, we always asked people to guess before we told them. My teammates would get their ages guessed anywhere from eighteen to twenty eight, and without fail, I would be guessed to be twelve, thirteen, or fourteen; and most of the time when I tell them I am nineteen they tell me I’m lying. To say I endured a good amount of ribbing for that would be the understatement of the year. I’m small and look like a preteen girl who honestly can’t take care of herself, so yeah I get teased a decent amount by my teammates (Nanny, please don’t feel sad for me; I think its funny and can handle the teasing).
Back to the part of not looking like I can’t handle myself… it’s honestly true. I cannot handle this world all by myself. I like to think I’m really big and bad and don’t need any help. I’ve always been this fiesty little girl that never asked for help because I didn’t want anyone to think I needed it (that would be my pride talking); and honestly up until very recently, I believed that. I know that I’m not strong enough to physically overpower a man or someone if I was in actual danger, but I just always assumed I’d find some kind of way to be okay.
Men around the world, and maybe just ungodly men in general, are kind of really gross. My mind though, refused for the longest time to see that. I want to give everyone a chance to prove to me that they’re good, even if it compromises my safety. My team, wow my precious team, have noticed that about me and have just taken it upon themselves to be my protectors. They’ve done it for me the whole race. For example: in Guatemala, a drunk guy swung at my face and one of them stepped in between him and I and firmly told him to leave (also he was really drunk, so he never would’ve actually made contact but yeah). They are also just really cautious to remind me to not be as friendly with the men that we meet as I am with the women, especially in Asia, because it isn’t seen as just friendly to them. If we are walking down a road and there are sketchy looking guys, my team pulls me to stand in the middle instead of the outside so the men can’t reach me. I don’t know that I always appreciated this. It didn’t bother me, but I didn’t really understand why they found this necessary or why they protected me over the others (its because I’m the weakest and could never physically protect myself but I didn’t want to believe that soooo).
I’m writing this blog now, because my heart is just really touched because of this last week and the way my teammates have been my protectors. On several separate occasions this week, I have felt uncomfortable and slightly unsafe around some men (teenage boys actually). My team have been my heroes. I was surrounded by several boys a couple days ago and they start out complimenting and being kind but when you try to walk away they get a little more pushy with it. My teammates called my name and pretended to need me so I had a safe out of those conversations. Another occasion, this 15/16? year old boy was playing with my hair and I was uncomfortable (I wasn’t in danger but I just didn’t love it) but we were at ministry so I didn’t feel like I could tell him no or to stop, so Emily grabbed his hand and moved it and Caitlyn stood up and stood right by my side until he left. And then the one that got me the most, was one where I wasn’t actually in any danger and these boys probably didn’t have any malicious intent, but its where I realized how loved I am by my girls. Some boys (5 or 6 of them) were all sitting in a circle and they called me over. I walked over to them and they started asking me questions (how old are you being one of those lol), but then they started speaking in Swati. I asked them what they were saying and they told me they were asking each other why those girls were staring at them. I turned around and Em and Camille were staring these boys down, like hardcore. I turned back around, smiled, and told the boys it was because they were just really protective of me and wanted to make sure I was safe.
I am the little one, and to be the little one means that I honestly probably can’t fully take care of myself. It means I need some other people in my life to help me, and man that’s a vulnerable place to be. I don’t like needing people. But God gave me sweet girlies that really love me a lot so looking out for me isn’t a big deal for them. Honestly this whole blog is just to brag on my teammates for loving me so well. I know God can protect me 100% on His own, but I’m glad he uses my friends to do it sometimes to remind me how loved I am here on this earth too.
So Ecclesia, on behalf of my parents, grandparents, and everyone else who is super happy I’m coming home in one piece, and myself, thank you for always looking out for me. For teasing me for having the fighting capabilities of a newborn but being the first people to stand with me in battle (cause they stand with me emotionally too not just physically wow because they truly are the best), thank you. Truly the biggest honor to have done so much life with you.
Love you guys,
K
