So much can happen in 24 hours. On the world race, your entire life can change within a matter of that time frame. No single day looks the same in the mission field. It’s a lot of change and the change doesn’t stop, its constant. There are certainly times when it gets overwhelming, at least for me. But at the same time that’s part of what makes it so amazing. I’m always growing and being challenged and experiencing new things.
So last night the whole squad gathered together upstairs in the room where we usually have our meetings. These meetings always vary from dress code to our budget to cultural awareness and blah blah blah. To be honest, it’s my least favorite part of the day. They’re usually at the end of the day around 8:00-9:00 which is entirely too late for me. My focus and energy is usually already out the window by this time but it’s one of the only times when everyone is at the same place. So of course there I was, probably sitting there with a pissed off look and waiting to get this thing going so we could hear what needed to be said. Then I noticed something, the atmosphere shifted, this wasn’t a regular meeting. The approach of our leadership was different, their voices were different, something was different. Of course my brain automatically runs to “Crap. We’re in trouble for something. What did we do?” You know those moments where it feels so unreal to the point where you’re questioning if you’re in a dream or if you heard them wrong? Yeah, this was for sure one of those moments. I never would have expected this one. Then, their gentle words made my heart sink. Team changes. They were happening. And they were happening now, at the end of Costa Rica (in 2 weeks). I just looked around at each of my squad mates faces and saw a lot of mixed emotions, I couldn’t believe this was happening. Let me explain why this is a pretty big deal. Team changes usually don’t happen until around month 5. It’s unheard of for team changes to happen after 2 months of being in the field. We only got one month with our teams because we immediately jumped into all squad month our second month. One month, that’s all we were given. Then we were asked to sit with the Lord and ask Him why we were feeling whatever we each were feeling and to just talk to Him about it. This happened to be our watch tower prayer night which meant that whoever wanted to stay up throughout the night to pray had the option to do it. So this gave us PLENTY of time to sit with God. This was previously planned before the Lord told our leaders we were ready for team changes, His timing is super cool because He knew we would need time to process. I love that. So I sat with God.
At first, I was disappointed and upset. I had just been so vulnerable with these women on my team and had gotten so close to my them. It took me so long to trust and when I finally did, it got switched up. In this season God had removed so many walls I had put up around my heart. I love every one of them. It felt more like a break up. But at the same time, it was the FIRST time in my entire life that I had been faced with something really hard and in that moment was able to say “I don’t necessarily like this, but I trust you God. I trust you. I trust that you’re a good God and are so faithful and that you just want the best for us.” And that was so different, there was an overwhelming peace I had about it that the Lord gave me. Peace. The Lord took me back through the last month and showed me where he was giving us glimpses and hints that team changes would happen soon. He was preparing each of our hearts for what was about to happen. It all made so much sense. We knew that it would happen soon, we just didn’t know that we knew that. After having that conversation with God, I could also see peace on everyone’s faces. The Lord revealed to me confirmation that He gave me earlier in the day for this moment: Earlier in the day I had encouraged my team that there was so much to learn from other people on our squad and to pursue relationships with everyone on the squad. To be intentional with everyone because we all strengthen each other in different areas and everyone has a lot to offer. Wow.
I’ve heard that how you end one season is how you begin the next season. And we are thriving in our teams and the Lord wants more growth for each of us. This doesn’t take away from what each team has built. Those relationships are so special and being on another team doesn’t take away from that. We can still be intentional with one another and pursue one another regardless of being on a team or not. Our leadership gave us encouragement that as Christians we can’t pick and choose who we give our love to, that’s not what Jesus does. He wants us to love everyone, not just the 5 people on our team. And boy am I eager! I am pumped for this upcoming season with the Lord. I can’t wait to see what He does. I’m seeing His goodness and I am falling deeper in love with Him every single day here in Jaco, Costa Rica. If I’m learning anything, it’s that the Lord is NUTS, in the best way. And I’m squeezing His hand so tightly and never letting go.
**With permission, here are some words that the Lord gave one of my squad leaders for team changes. It gives me the chills. Oh the truth it’s painted with.
**P.S. My February deadline of $13,000 was yesterday and I wanted to thank you all SO much for helping me meet that!! God is so faithful and He’s killed all of my fundraising doubts. Thank y’all so much for your support and prayers! Please pray for team changes that God would put us together however He desires. Love you guys!!
*P.P.S. My heart is thriving in Jaco. I feel alive. I’m loving every bit of it and I do not want to ever leave. I could stay here forever. The ministry we are partnered with here is Ocean’s Edge from Horizon Church! Go check it out!
