Hey. I recently got some new subscribers, so if this is your first time reading one of my blogs, welcome friend. And thanks a lot for taking the time to read about what’s going on in my world.
Close your eyes and picture this: You’ve been away from home for a long time. You’re excited to return, ready for the comfort of a familiar place and to do all your favorite homey things. You arrive at your house, turn the door knob, only to find that a new family has moved in. The house itself looks the same, but different humans dwell there now. You can look around in all the different rooms and almost hear the laugh of your sister or see a really funny memory you have with your family in certain places in the house. Everything feels strange and suddenly kind of lonely. You are so happy that a new family gets to enjoy this space that you call home, but you can’t help but miss your people.
That’s kind of how my first night here in Thailand felt.
If you didn’t know, I was actually here in Chiang Mai EXACTLY one year ago with the original homies, R Squad (shoutout to you guys). Now I am back, except this time I’m helping lead Y Squad. It’s the strangest phenomena. I experience deja vu waaaay too often. I’ll be honest, my first night here was very sad. I missed my friends a lot and called a few of them because I missed their voices. And I’ll be honest again, I felt pretty guilty about it. I wanted so badly to be present, to be grateful for the INCREDIBLE opportunity I’ve been given to return to this beautiful country that I love with a purpose that I’m so incredibly passionate about. What reason did I have to cry? And how am I supposed to lead people if I can’t get it together?
But the Lord so sweetly reminded me that it’s actually really okay to be sad. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to miss people. None of these things disqualify me from leading.
I’m actually more dependent on the Lord than I have ever been.
So sometimes, if I need to cry, I let myself. If I need a moment to think about the people I miss and the memories I have with them, I let myself think about them. I let the moment happen and I move on. Acknowledging how I’m feeling actually has freed me up to be so much more present than I would be if I was ignoring the hard stuff.
The Lord has been continuously reminding me of Isaiah 43:19:
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
What the Lord is doing here in Y Squad is radically different than what He did here in my squad. This isn’t at all a repeat, because God is a creator. That means that what he is doing this time around, I could never guess. He is calling me to actually lean on the Holy Spirit more than my own experience. It gives me so much hope.
Since being here, I’ve been so amazed with this group of stellar humans. They have simultaneously lit some sparks in me that I had let dim, while also letting me fan the flames that I see in them. Such a cool exchange. I am so incredibly thankful for them and how the Lord is using them to bring His Kingdom to this country!!!!
This week I hope to post an update on what ministry we’ve been partnering with and some pics of the people we got to work with and learn from. This country has the most kind-hearted people.
THANK YOU FOR READING!! WOW. I love love love you guys. Love you big. Please reach out to me!! Just because I’m in a different country doesn’t mean I ain’t tryna be friends.
I only have $1034 left to raise by OCTOBER 1ST!!!!! So if you feel led to give, let me know. You can donate by clicking on the orange “donate!” button at the top of this page!!
In love and gratitude,
KT
