I’M ALIVE! If you haven’t heard, I just got back from training camp, aka some of the hardest, greatest, most emotional, most heavenly 10 days of my life.
As long and hard as this week was, I can honestly tell you I saw Jesus everywhere I looked; in the little things and in the really big things. Really, this blog should be titled, “A million ways I saw Jesus at training camp.” Here are my top 10 faves:::
10) In a porta potty. Seriously, it doesn’t get more vulnerable than that guys. When you don’t have a real bathroom for 10 days, you learn to let go of the petty preferences you have and just let the grossness be what it is. I stopped letting myself care so much about feeling clean and put-together and just learned to laugh it out when I smelled like a toe and hadn’t gone to the bathroom in 6 days (maybe TMI, but its the truth). God taught me how ungrateful I am for the comfortable things I have at home, and taught me to find all that comfort in Him instead.
9) On a park bench. There’s this bench on the top of a hill at Adventures in Missions. Most mornings and some nights I would run there to just sit with the Lord and read. Even on my worst days, He still met me where I was and so sweetly reminded me who He was. I realized so much this week that as much of an extrovert as I am, i NEED my time with just Abba and I every day. When I don’t make it a priority to abide in Him, my perspective isn’t aligned with His anymore. I stop seeing people, myself, and my circumstances the way He sees them. It is dangerous territory people!! He gives me new eyes. Eyes that erase all the lies and see the truth. These are eyes worth having! I realized on that park bench that I would never regret a single moment spent in His presence. (John 15:4).
8) In my failures. I was given the opportunity to lead my team in a few field scenarios. I felt pretty confident in my abilities, but by the end of it I felt like I had failed my team BAD. In that moment, though, I was reminded that GOOD leadership doesn’t come from my confidence in my abilities, but accepting the fact that when I’m not enough or can’t do something, He is and can. Humbling yourself sucks in the moment, but it takes all the pressure off of me to be perfect and gives the glory to Him. His power is made perfect in my weakness! (2 Corinthians 12:9)
7) On a hike! We each had to carry our packs and hike 2.2 miles in 38 minutes (before you ask, yes it was brutal). Some people made it in 20 minutes. Some made it in 37. But something the Lord showed me after I finished my hike is that it really doesn’t matter how long it takes us. God just wants us to finish the race! He doesn’t compare my walk with Him to the next persons, so why should I? He is the most patient person I know. There is nothing He wants more than to walk you home. He wants us to walk each other home! It was so beautiful to watch racers run up the last hill, out of breath, only to turn around and run back down the hill to go get their squadmates and encourage them until they finished. Our calling is that simple as His kids. Run the race set before YOU. Throw off everything that slows you down. Be the cloud of witnesses that encourages your brothers and sisters. (Hebrews 12:1)
5) In the quiet. I am a talker. Silence freaks me out. I realized this week that in those moments where I tried to fill the void with empty words, the Lord desperately wanted to speak to me. So this week, I let Him have His way. He taught me to be quick to listen, and slow to speak (James 1:19). All those stories about God speaking to his people and letting them partner with Him and what He is doing? THEY’RE TRUE. He is that same God! When I let the Holy Spirit answer my hard questions, I heard the words I desperately needed to hear. I got to encourage people when they needed it most because the Father told me what to say. My voice carries so much more power when I let Him do the talking. The silence is sweet; don’t fill it out of fear!
4) In worship. Most nights and some mornings of camp, every racer, leader, mentor, etc. gathered together to lift up the name of Jesus and give God the breath He’s given us back. Even when I wasn’t “feeling” it, God taught me that He is still worthy of every breath I take. He didn’t have to show up and change the atmosphere, but He did every. time. I had some serious encounters with the Lord in worship. I saw my brothers and sisters find freedom to worship however God made them to worship. I learned to let the Holy Spirit lead me into stillness, sitting at the feet of Jesus and letting Him put me back together. I learned to let the Holy Spirit lead me into boldness, speaking His truth to a room full of people even when I felt like I could throw up. Worship is forever engrained into who I am after this week.
4) In forgiveness. Honestly, I thought the Lord had already taught me everything I needed to know about forgiveness. This week, though, I realized that I had been letting bitterness take root in me for a hot minute. The Lord was asking me to give Him the spade and work in the soil of my heart. He took all the bitterness I had been growing and replaced it with grace. I plan on letting Him do that every day for the rest of my life. 70×7 times a day if that is what it takes! Freely I have received, so freely I will give. (Matthew 10:8)
3) In my brothers. Yo, I got some serious gentlemen on my squad. They took care of us ladies so well and were so quick to serve us. Shoutout to them for always taking out our trash, filling up our water coolers, covering up our packs, and just loving us super well. They didn’t even realize it, but they showed me the servant’s heart Jesus talked about in Matthew 20:26-28 every day of camp. I can’t wait to see how they impact the world for the Kingdom. True dudes of honor.
2) In sickness. I had my wisdom teeth taken out a few weeks before TC (mistake #1) and beginning on day 3, I got an infection. My face was swollen and I was in some serious pain, but Jesus showed up big for me in the moments when I had to trust Him with my health. He surrounded me with peace and with people who didn’t respond to my pain with apathy, but with prayer. It was the most powerful thing I’ve ever experienced and I’m fully convinced it’s what got me through the week. The Lord never let me go a day without being reminded that I am protected and cared for.
1) In my team. For my entire race, I will be in CONSTANT community with 7 girls. We named ourselves Alethinos, which in Greek means “authentic” or “made of truth.” They are the real deal. I posted about them this week, and I think this caption sums them up best: “They are weird & kind & forgiving & bold & BEAUTIFUL & funny as heck. They make me proud when they keep it real. They make me cry when they talk about their love for Abba. They make me beam when they tell me i’m beautiful even when my face is blotchy and my cheeks are swollen. Wow God you are good. You knew what you were doing giving me these gals to do life with for 9 months.” I could go on and on about how much I love them and everything they’ve already taught me, but this is just the beginning of our journey together. The best is seriously yet to come.
Fundraising Update: I need $360 to reach my goal of $10,000 by August 24. $1, $5, $20, ANYTHING HELPS. I’ve seen the Lord knock down wall after wall. I can’t wait to see Him do it again. If you feel like He’s leading you to help me reach the nations, you can donate through my blog! I am so crazy grateful for you guys, your prayers over me and every penny you’ve given to the Kingdom.
ALL MY LOVE AND GRATITUDE,
KT
