World Race 101: Things aren’t always going to go your way. Plans change constantly. You will be uncomfortable. You are going to have to do many things that you do not want to do. Three months in and I’m still surprised by these realities. When ministry doesn’t go as planned, doesn’t happen at all, or is a ministry that I don’t like, my first response is to have a bad attitude and dread it. Many times I have found myself wishing for the next month and the hope that a new ministry location provides. This gets me nowhere except annoyed. Annoyed at my teammates, hosts, cultural differences, and even God. I decide not to invest in relationships with my host and the people I do ministry with because it is just easier. It is easier to do the bare minimum and get through a day of ministry so I can be alone. It is easier to leave a country and move on when you don’t have hard goodbyes. I came on the race expecting to be uncomfortable! I expected to give up my structured life and sacrifice my comforts, both physically and emotionally. Why am I so surprised that this is hard?
Panama was a particularly challenging month in the way that communication happened with our host. My team and I were often unsure of what was expected of us and didn’t really feel useful at children’s ministry. After a few days of complaining amongst ourselves, one of my teammates shared that she had been starting her days with thankfulness. Every morning when she woke up, she wrote down what she was thankful for. A few days later, another teammate shared a devotion from Jesus Calling:
“When many things seem to be going wrong, trust Me. When your life feels increasingly out of control, thank Me. These are supernatural responses, and they lift you above your circumstances. If you do what comes naturally in the face of difficulties, you may fall prey to negativism. Even a few complaints can set you on path that is a downward spiral, by darkening your perspective and mindset. With this attitude controlling you, complaints flow more and more readily from your mouth. Each one move you steadily down the slippery spiral. The lower you go, the faster you slide, but it is still possible to apply brakes. Cry out to Me in My Name! Affirm you trust in Me, regardless of how you feel. Thank Me for everything, though this seem unnatural- even irrational. Gradually you will begin to ascend, recovering your lost ground. When you are back on ground level, you can face your circumstances from a humble perspective. If you choose supernatural responses this time- trusting and thanking Me- you will experience my unfathomable peace.”
Reading this devotion renewed me in a way I desperately needed. It is a privilege to serve the Lord in any capacity that He asks me to. When I replace my bad attitude with thankfulness, I receive His perspective and it becomes less about me and more about what He is doing. Following Jesus is not easy, and I need to lay my life and my preferences down to serve Him. Even when it is uncomfortable and nothing that I want it to be, you know what He loves? A thankful heart. How can I not be thankful to a God that gives me everything that I need, and more?
So, here is a list of the things I am thankful for right now:
- Singing worship in both English and Spanish at home church this morning. It is refreshing to reconnect with You through music
- The Holy Spirit chills (anybody else?!) that I get all the time as a reminder that you are here and you’ve made your dwelling inside of me
- The soccer clinic at the OMA Reservation yesterday- to watch my teammates use their gifts so well to serve you. Even through my bad attitude, you never change. You knew the outcome of the event, you knew what you were doing. And you continue to tell me to stop having a bad attitude and always believe that you know what you’re doing. Always assume that God will show up, stop expecting things to go poorly. Thank you for never changing. Your attitude never changes. Your desire never changes. Your plan never changes. You don’t show up to prove a point to me, you show up because you’re a good Dad who loves his kids so well.
- Joy this morning
- People who are different from me even though it can be so frustrating and draining
- Air conditioning and hot showers
- Church, mentors, friends, all the things consistent in my life, constantly teaching me and pointing me to you
- That you still love the same even when I so often have a bad attitude
- Pastor Randall who reminds me just a little of my dad
- My teammate Bri asking me questions about my family to try and understand me better
- My new team and all their laughter
- New things- renewed spirit each day, new excitement for scripture
- That I have access to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit every single day, every single moment
