The past few days have been incredibly life-giving and simultaneously filled with a tang of melancholy emotions. It’s something rather hard to put into words. I look around me, and I see so many friends and even family members simply heartbroken. The enemy has a way of tearing people down, shouting lies over their lives consistently. My heart cries out to the Lord to simply open their eyes to His light. He is a rescuer, He loves to heal the brokenhearted. I know my Father is good in all that He does, I know his plans are never to harm (Jeremiah 29:11).
With that being said, I must confess it’s easy to get upset with the Lord and question why he hasn’t answered our prayers right away. It’s easy to think our prayers go simply unheard. It’s easy to fall into the enemies trap of doubt. It’s easy to point out all the tragic and heartbreaking things that occur in the world. It’s easy to point the blame at the big man upstairs. There are times where I have pushed the Lord away. I have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). I get doubtful, I get anxious, I shut down and try to hide my hurt from the Lord. Silly me, considering He sees the deepest, most inner parts of my heart. To think that He loves me, even in the days where I didn’t love Him in return fills my heart with a sadness so hard to explain. How it must tear at his heart when we walk around looking for love and affirmation in all the wrong places, averting our eyes from the Most High King.
I know I am forgiven. I know I am free, and made pure. I know I am a precious child in my Father’s eyes. I know this all and sometimes I stumble and realize I am surrounded by the enemy in every direction. { For I am about to fall, and my pain is ever with me. I confess my iniquity; I am troubled with sin. -Psalm 38:17-18 } In the midst of my doubt, in the midst of my sorrow, the Father grabs hold of my hand. He lifts my weary head and makes me whole again. Even when I shove Him in return because I simply fear, He only holds onto me tighter.
A song titled, Runaway written by Jess Ray, has opened my eyes in such a way that I couldn’t help but pour out every tear within. It’s all about His endless love for us. A love that seeks us out, even when we run from Him. Even when we think He isn’t watching, He knows exactly where we are and He calls us out by name. He stops at nothing to heal our broken hearts.
There is a part in the song that reads, “Even if you stomp and scream and huff, tell me that I’m not good enough I’ll take every swing and every blow, until you know my love. Even if you beat upon my chest, tell me that you don’t understand, I will love you and teach you to love me again, I’m gonna love you and teach you to love me again.”
That verse captures the beauty and grace of a Father who never stops seeking our hearts, even if we stop seeking His. The times where we yell at Him, claiming we don’t understand and we never will. The times we run far from His embrace because we are like children who don’t understand the protection of a Father. The times our cheeks are tear soaked with sadness and we try to keep our hearts away from the love of Him. All those times, He continues to press into our souls. To teach us about His goodness and tenderness. To remind us He loves us and to gently teach us to love Him in return.
I am amazed at how sweet and full of forgiveness my Father is. I have stopped running. I have surrendered every hope, every fear, every drop of doubt, every dream, at His feet. I have surrendered everything to Him because I long to know Him better. He teaches me to love. So today and everyday know that He doesn’t forsake you, He fights for you. You need only to be still (Exodus 14:14).
“I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.” -Psalm 40:1-3
