Learning to Be Still
At the Beginning of the World Race I got a prophetic word for the year. This word was “Still”. When I first got this word from God, I am not going to lie I was a little concerned. If you know anything about me the hardest thing for me is to sit still. From when I was a little girl to now, I have never been the one to be able to just Sit and be still. When I heard the word “still” I was thinking in my mind “oh boy I have to sit still. How in the world am I going to do that?”
As much as I was worried about the word, I still really wanted to receive it from God because I knew there was something, I could learn from it. So, I started to do my research. First the Verse psalms 46:10 of course came to mind. “Be still and know that I am God”. Then I went to Still and researched the word. I found that the Hebrew meaning of Still is Rapa which means “to Let go”.
After seeing that still means to let go, I started to ask the Lord, “what do I need to let go of?’’
“Is it something from my past, it is it my future, what do I need to do?”
Every time I asked this question to God he always said, “you don’t need to do anything.” “be still” or he would say “Just let go”
When God would say these things to me for whatever reason I just could not grasp this idea of not having to do anything. I kept saying to God “But no what do I have to do.” I just could not understand that God does not need anything from me. Which now looking back and even writing this down makes me feel silly for even thinking that I needed to do something or even figure something out.
I was wrestling with this for months. Every Prophetic word I would get from people would be in some way about being Still. I was getting so frustrated at the fact that I could not figure out what I needed to do. But still knowing I did not have to do anything, but it was killing me inside. I felt like my mind was at war. The Lord even gave me a vision of the game” rock em sock em robots” fighting in my brain. It was crazy to me.
While being in Malaysia I Started to feel a lot of freedom in Prophetic Dance. God told me he wanted to Dance with me. I read a book called “the Dancing Bride”, by Saara Taina and it changed my life. If you love to worship and love to dance. I recommend this book! It just gave me so much revelation on Worship in general and how much freedom comes from worshipping with all your heart and body. When I Dance with God, I can feel chains breaking, I feel emotions that I never even knew I could feel. It is just a new way that I have been able to be with God.
The first week in Indonesia we had a debrief. This is where our whole squad gets together, and we just reflect and process what has been going on these past few months. We do questions to be able to process and we also do one on ones with the coaches and squad mentors. At debrief I got more prophetic words about being Still. I think in one day I got 4 or 5 words that implied being still in one way or another. The battle started in my mind again. I just became so confused. I started to feel like I was not getting it or not understanding what God was telling me. I saw somewhere once that if you keep getting the same word over and over again you are not understanding it. I just started feeling like I was never going to understand.
Talking about all this struggle with my squad leader she told me that sounded like a condemning spirit and not something that God wanted me to feel. In that moment I was like wow yeah this is not from God I should not be feeling this way. After that I had my one on one with my team coaches. I told them all about Malaysia and how I found so much freedom in prophetic dance and how I had so much Joy this past month. Then I started to talk about all the struggle with this word “still”. They asked me “well, what do you think “still” means?” I thought about it and said well I know it means let go and I feel like I must be still in front of the Lord and just be in his presence. They then said to me something I will never forget. They said, “Don’t put “still” in a box, for you “still” could mean you dancing with the lord because that is where you feel his presence and peace the most.” At that moment I felt a literal weight lift off me. Still for me can look totally different than for someone else. Being Still with God for me is Dancing with him in his presence.
Finally, in that moment I realized I was putting God in a box. I always have said I will never put God in a box, but I did. I placed Still in a box. I was not letting God be god. I was looking for answers in my own way not in God’s way. I was striving to find the answers. I was not letting go of my own ideas and letting God be God. Psalms 46:10 “Be Still and know that I am God.”
I literally have been struggling with this for the last 3 months. But God is so Patient and so Kind. I feel like this needed to be a process and to be honest I feel like I will always be finding stillness with God in different ways and it may always be a process.
Being in Indonesia we met an amazing girl named Yosi. She has been with the girls’ team for a week or so now and has became a part of the unscripted team. We were all sitting and praying, and she asked, “what does “be still” Mean?” everyone looked at me. I said, “Let’s talk.” Later that night I told her my whole story about being still. Its amazing how God works. I’m literally in tears just thinking how good God is.
Have I got “Be still” all figured out? No. But I am not supposed to have it all figured out. I give that all to God and let go of my own understanding. Now when I look at the word “Still” I do not cringe. I am not upset. I have a smile on my face, and I have a beautiful testimony to share on how I got to where I am. I also believe God has a huge smile on his face looking down on me being so proud of his daughter.
BE STILL AND KNOW I AM GOD
