Just Being Me.
God has really been teaching me how to discern the feelings of emotions all around me.
I have realized that I have been feeling and holding on to other people’s emotions probably my whole life.
For example when we went to breakfast the other day my heart started beating very fast and I started feeling very worried for no reason. I started looking around and I saw a couple very close by. The Husband was on the phone and the wife was almost in tears and looked very worried. I could feel her anxiety. So I pointed it out to my team.
My teammate America decided to go over to them to say hi and give the woman a hug. Once America Gave her a hug I could feel the anxiety and worry go down. That was such a cool moment for me to witness my teammate sharing love and by giving that love it made a difference in the atmosphere. We talked to them and their house got broken into and that is why they were worried.
During a 3 day fast that we did is when it became clearer that other people’s strong emotions will come to me and I can feel the pain, hurt, anger, worry or any emotion that is very strong.
I see someone and God just tells me in a certain way how they are feeling. Usually i feel the emotion and at first can sometimes think it’s my own emotion, But I am learning that a lot of times it’s not even my feelings it’s others. God is showing me how to work this out and how to let go of these feelings and how to pray for these people.
once I learned that some of these are not my emotions I feel like everything in my past life just clicked. I just wanted to cry to be honest.
God showed me how my entire life I have held on to others emotions. That is why I conformed to so many different people. I have conformed to what others were like because I can relate to everyone with their emotions. I have carried the weight of their emotions.
When I was younger I had a hard time sharing all my emotions and held things in so much because it was so overwhelming. In my late teens I was very self abusive to myself, cutting, alcohol, drugs, sex. Anything to escape the reality of all the emotions going on in my mind.
When God gave me discernment and revelation on all of this I felt relieved. Some of these emotions that I carried my entire life are not mine and I can do something about it. Not only does this help me but it helps others as well. I love that I can pray with someone or talk to someone who is going through something intense. I am able to empathize with them and God can give me the words to say what needs to be said.
I love this extraordinary life God has called me to. I know I have a Unique calling. I believe to truly step into that calling I need to rest in God and just truly learn how to be my true self. This is a great step in becoming my true self. Let go of what is not me. Just to hold onto what God has created me to be. I am finding out I have been created to be a pretty amazing person!
Details: We Just left Chiang Mai and are now in Ubon Ratchathan. We are now spending time with a Missionary friend who is here teaching English to the locals. We will soon be going to Pattaya.
