Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how the Lord views me.
Why did he create me so specifically? How did he create me to act? What if I’m not who he expected me to be?
Ever since I was little I had a stuck image in my mind of what a perfect, holy, Jesus following girl was. I went to Catholic school from the age of 4 to my graduation last May. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved going to Catholic school, but it was always engrained into my mind that I needed to act a certain way. That I needed to be graceful and quiet. That I had to be poised, a little judgmental to anyone who didn’t share my beliefs, and never question my faith. I’m definitely not saying that there’s anything wrong with being graceful and quiet, but if you know me than you know that you wouldn’t exactly use those two words to describe me. I struggled with this a lot because I thought that this was how God wanted me to be. I thought I needed to have everything together all the time and never show weakness. I thought I needed to act more “ladylike” and not voice any opinions that contradicted that.
But you want to know the crazy thing?
I know now that’s not how God created me to be! I know I’m bold and I know now that being bold is a gift and not a burden. The Lord gave me a voice so that I can tell other people about him. So I can form meaningful relationships with the people of Cambodia. So I can scream on top of mountains. So I can laugh with Him. So I can sing at the top of my lungs praising Him. God tells me that this is how he created me to be. There’s no category that I have to fit into. I can be loud and crazy and weird. I can choose to love others through our different beliefs. I never knew what being “authentic” truly meant for me because I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know it was okay to be bold. These past few months I’ve listened to God in a whole new way and I understand now who he created me to be. I’m more than blessed by his intentionality in creating me exactly the way I am. I’m bold and I’m HIS!
