Dear Swaziland (The Kingdom Of Eswatini),
When we first met, I didn’t like you very much. You weren’t considered home. I didn’t want to consider you home. You didn’t hold the physical and materialistic comforts I wanted and for sure the ones I thought I needed. You didn’t have my family and their voices constantly replayed in my mind during the quiet nights when the silence seemed to become too loud. You were so quiet, so still. My bed was covered with plastic instructed not to be taken off – making your hot nights hard to sleep with my sweat sticking and pulling at my skin. Even my sleep sometimes felt tedious. You gave me 2 places to go on the weekend – Nisela & savemore. You made having wifi nearly impossible. You didn’t have warm water for 6 weeks. You didn’t have electricity for 6 weeks. Cold showers in the dark became the new normal. You covered me with dirt and stained by clothes. It felt like another layer of skin that I had grown. There was no escaping the red stain. Church was difficult. 3 hours of dripping sweat and an unsettled mind while I tried to decipher a message that was only sometimes translated. You were a real challenge, Swaziland. But as the minutes became days and the days became weeks and the months began to run past me; I realized truly how much of a gift it was to do life with you and start our 9 month journey with you. That’s the beauty of what you did to me and my heart: you made me slow down enough to stop and see how big and loving my God is.
In my tiny tantrums of uncomfort, little did I know how much the Lord was going to use you in my life. You grew on me, and I learned to make you home. Not just because I was living with you, but because I wanted to. You gave me such a sweet realization that home isn’t just a place – its wherever I am with the Father. I found comfort in you, the children, and the people. I saw that behind all of the walls and barriers that may appear from the outside; we are all ultimately the same. We are children of the most high God. Your people became my people, my brothers and sisters, my community, and my family. Your quietness helped me to find peace. It taught me not to fear the silence and how to acknowledge the chaos in my mind – something I’ve never known how to handle. Your slow culture taught me something that was practically nonexistent in my life before – rest. Your days were slow, but they were so sweet. You encouraged me to spend time with the Father and I grew a passion for the word that has had me reading my Bible more than ever. The Lord used my time with you to walk me through freedom I didn’t even know I needed. An anchor that was tied and sinking my soul was brought to the surface, and I was brought freedom in profound, life changing ways. You taught me to have a grateful heart because your people take nothing for granted. You overflow with joy even if you have nothing because you know everything you have is in and from the Lord. You trust His provision in a way I didn’t even know was possible. The Lord used you to teach me what Church really means- to fellowship with other believers no matter the circumstances. You taught me how to truly be there for someone. You lift up your brothers and sisters, the Lord’s sons and daughters, both physically and spiritually and showed me that not a single person should ever be left behind or looked down upon. You showed me what it looks like to worship our Father unashamedly. You worship Abba with your whole hearts. You humbly give Him all of the credit and praise He is so worthy of- something I often forget to do. You reminded me that everything I have, and where I am in my life is only by the grace of our Heavenly Father. You reflect such child like faith and you challenged me to step into that more. You reflect the Lord more than you know, Esawtini. You loved me even when I didn’t love you. You chose me even when I didn’t want to choose you. You showed me grace when I didn’t deserve it. You welcomed U squad and I into your community with open hands, and while we came to love and serve you like Jesus, you loved and served us like Jesus. You taught me to choose into joy, love, and people. You planted a seed in me that will grow to learn to walk in humility, love harder, choose more, and intentionally seek and pursue others with my whole heart. That alone is a reason that I can so clearly see Christ in the very heartbeat of you.
Leaving you wasn’t easy. It really tugged on the heart strings. More than I ever imagined it would. But I trust and have full confidence that the Lord has, is, and will continue to move throughout your country and make His name known. The Lord is moving in you. He is restoring you into His image day by day, moment by moment. My prayer is that when you think of the time we spent together, you wouldn’t think of us, but of our Father. I pray when you feel our hugs, you would feel His gentle hands holding you, protecting you, and lifting you up. I pray the Kingdom of Eswatini would continue to share and bring praise to His name boldly, that you would continue to walk in His love, and that you would know the Lord hears and chases after His sheep. He sees you, and He hears you.
Our God has used you to prepare me not only for the the next 6 months of my race, but for my life after the race. He has instilled new values, new lessons, and new passions in me through you that I will cling onto with everything I have. You were a gift to me, Swaziland. You were a blessing in disguise from the Lord – something I didn’t know I needed so desperately. I will be praying for you for the rest of my days, sweet friend. You will always hold a piece of my heart and be the reminder to me for the rest of my days the true definition of what home really is. Thank you for that.
Ngiyakutsandza, J
