I have written about my story of singleness in an old blog post found here, and at the time that felt terrifyingly vulnerable. In these last four months, Jesus keeps saying, “My beloved one, greater surrender. I’m taking you deeper”. So here we go, why not a little deeper…
“Do you have a husband? Why are you not married? You are 27. How is it that you are not married?”
– Syrian Women, refugee camp, tents 1 and 3
“Yes, I am still single…”
As we drove home from the refugee camp, I thought how this topic was brought up 3 times by the beautiful young women, much younger than me, with babies and children on the way. Often, my immediate response to this question is, “It’s not a part of my story yet” , which I believe is true! But as I reflected on my response, I realized that I am brushing past the fuller story. This is an area of my life and story where I have to return to the LORD, and allow Him to remind me of His character… love, faithful, tender, provider, protector, kind. While depths of that portion of my story may not be for me to share with everyone, I thought about how there are other painful and hard parts of my story that are precisely the section that God wants to highlight and use as overflowing hope to others.
There are pieces of my testimony that I either skip over or have forgotten entirely because God has redeemed broken, ugly stuff, and continues to purify me daily. I have a history. There has been pain, brokenness and consequences, BUT through Christ, there is healing and restoration.
I have acted foolishly, I have lied, I have seriously struggled with body image, I have been rejected, I have experienced extreme loneliness, I have doubted, I have suffered from panic attacks, I have walked through a season of cyclical anxiety and depression. Jesus has done some serious work in my life, and He continues to renew me. FREEDOM. Crazy freedom. And when I share about these pieces of my testimony, I share what Christ has done and continues to do, and then point to the Cross. Shame is removed, lies are cast down, people are healed.
In Luke 4, Jesus declares, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free.”
Luke 4:18
And we are privileged to proclaim His name and the victory in our own lives.
I am still learning about being brave and sharing my testimony, but I do know that I do not want to hide the masterpiece that Jesus has created. And to tell you the truth, while ministering to Syrian refugees here in Lebanon, I have wrestled with believing that my ‘little’ story can possibly display God’s greatness in the midst of their circumstances. But the truth is, we can relate in so many ways, and our different life experience does not diminish Christ’s victory in my life, and God’s ability to radically transform their lives. If we allow Him, Jesus can bring healing, wholeness, life, and purpose to the things that seem purposeless. While I have not lost my home and family members, I have lost my job years ago, I have walked through a long season of fear, I have experienced loneliness, I have been a “foreigner”, I have struggled with my identity. Jesus can use every part of my history. He has redeemed and restored those things. Furthermore, I have seen the power in connection when I share my testimony. I have seen people relate to my story, relate to grand stories from the Bible, then have their attention pointed directly to the Cross. Why wouldn’t I tell others what He has done for me? Why wouldn’t I declare who He is?
“They triumphed over [the accuser] by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”
Revelation 12:11
With her knees bent and legs tucked under her body, she listened to me intently. When I was done speaking, she then turned her full body to Kelsey, and said in Arabic, “Do you have a story?”
-Syrian Woman, refugee camp, tent 2
People are HUNGRY for connection, for story, for Truth. Our stories are an opportunity to declare the truth; Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Far be it from me that I should withhold the truth of the love of God, and His deliverance in my life.
