In exactly one month, i’ll be boarding a plane from my hometown & won’t return until a year later. As I get ready for all the final preparations I have to do, I can’t help but constantly think of all the people i’ll be leaving behind. All the communities I have been so lucky to be apart of. But also the new community I get to experience life with for the next 11 months. Community is something I care about deeply. Who doesn’t? So, during this last month, I want to highlight each of those for you. Before I tell you about my church families that I’ve known for several years, I want to first introduce you to the rest of this newest family of mine:
N Squad!
The group I’ll be traveling to each country with
and Team Lit!
The smaller team that I get to live & serve in ministry with.
Before I ever applied for the World Race, I reached out to my friend who did the race to ask all the tips and insight she could give me about the crazy decision that God was so strongly putting on my heart. Out of all the things she said though, only one thing surprised me: she thought she had already experienced raw, authentic community – until she went on the race. We both went to Biola, so after hearing this I was like, “Woah, community can be better than THIS? Impossible. I can’t wait!!”
11 months later I was packing my hiking backpack & my best friend was driving me to the airport for training camp. She could tell I was nervous. I felt unprepared. Did I bring the right clothes? I’m a procrastinator so you bet I didn’t pack until earlier that day. More than anything, I couldn’t believe how anxious I was to meet my squad. I only knew them from their facebooks and instagrams. Even though I excited to finally meet the people who loved the Lord and adventure as much as I did, I kept remembering those words: raw. community.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m an honest person. It’s actually the thing I value most in a friendship, but there were certain demons in my life that only a few people knew about and still do. Things that I was shameful of and in the process of breaking free from. I was scared that they’d see that too soon before knowing the nicer, “holier” parts of me.
“Don’t worry, that’ll take time”
That’s something my friend also mentioned, so I thought, “hey, I at least have some time before I have to be fully known.”
Well. Turns out that didn’t necessarily take as long as I intended. I mean, It’s hard NOT to get instantly close with a group of 24 people after sweating together, taking cold bucket showers, sharing rained on community tents, cuddling to stay warm on the cold “airport” floors (and I am NOT a cuddler y’all), eating unfamiliar food with our hands and being the smelliest and dirtiest most of us have probably ever been. The setting and situations we were in created for the perfect atmosphere to just be. And to rely on each other. I never felt so free in my life. This new community was not afraid to share or face their fears, flaws, shame, and complete freedom in Christ. They were real. Raw. Unashamed.
Ever since the age of 12, I’ve been a leader of some form in the church. I was always in the “spotlight”. Because of that, I never felt like I could or needed to share the darkest parts of me. I was a role model in a way for the young. And I was hope in the eyes of the older folk. The last thing I wanted was for anyone to look at me differently. In my secular group of friends it was easy to talk about my struggles, but I couldn’t talk about it at a deeper spiritual level like I’d be able to with my church friends. So I always felt like I was never fully known or understood (partly my fault) by anyone else other than God. And that was ok for a while. Until it wasn’t.
Until I went to training camp and until I met this squad. These people chose to be
Free.
Vulnerable.
Loving.
They weren’t afraid to be messy. But they also had the desire to grow in intimacy with Christ. They inspired me. They challenged me. They encouraged me to be bolder with my story. The breakthroughs God has done that I haven’t shared yet. This is my new family and I can’t wait to see how we’ll grow together as a body of believers in this messy, fun and beautiful year. Like my friend warned me, it’ll be hard. Humans are complex. But I can already tell that it will be the best time of my life. It’s what I’ve always wanted. To be fully known. And I’m no longer afraid. So thank you N squad and the AIM leadership for creating and encouraging this beautifully free & raw community. It’s crazy to think this is only the beginning.
I can’t wait to be with you all in a month!
Love,
Jezebelle
