Yea so apparently i’m engaged to Jesus now lol. It happened last month in Georgia (yes… the month of February). This wasn’t just a valentines day thing I swear. I promise i’m not going crazy out here cause I committed to a year of singleness lol.
BUT.. the story does start on valentines day haha. So for morning worship that day team river was asking each other, “Why do we deserved to be loved by Jesus”. I couldn’t think of anything because in reality, I don’t. Then when everyone started answering they started saying all these nice things about themselves. I was like ohhh, ok thats cute….. LOL! If you don’t know me, i’m not a words of affirmation person. Sentimental stuff makes me uncomfortable, but it is sweet. Also a huge hopeless romantic though. Like movie drama, I love that crap haha.
And the lord surely knows that.
Fast forward a few days…
Its morning worship again and of course i’m freezing and i’m curled up in a ball on the right side of my body under a blanket. The Lord says, “raise your left hand in the air”. I say, “but it’s cold out there”. Then he repeats himself. So I raise my hand lol. A song goes by, and then the outside of my pinky and thumb start to pulse. I initially think i’m having some nervous response and think it’s time for me to put my hand down, and before I move my arm He says, “I’m holding your hand”. I said awe thats cute Jesus OK lol.
Then he asks, “will you marry me?”
I mean if only an emoji could match my facial expression in that moment hahaha. It was like a shocked… ooop… really…. smile, type reaction lol.
I said, “Ok, yea of course… but can I feel you put a ring on my finger” 🙂 Me just being extra… no worries lol. Then instantly my ring finger starts throbbing and my thumb and pinky stop. And I just start cheesing from ear to ear. He’s so simple and sweet!
Then worship continued, but now i’m engaged to Jesus…. haha. Now fast forward to our next worship session and the lord gave me three visions.
- Veins of a Rose I saw a pedal and then it zoomed in and I saw all the details of the rose. He told me, “This is how detailed I know you”
- Ring with Wings I saw a ring with the top open and wings attached to it. At first He didn’t tell me anything about this one. After praying into it later He said, “Your relationship with me will take you higher”
- Drops of Red Oil Lastly I see a red oil bottle leaving single drops of oil in a line. Later after some prayer He said, “This is your anointing and direction”. Him leading my way.
I still want to keep diving into prayer with these because I feel so strongly there is so much more He has to say. I’m crying as I write this because He is just so sweet to me. To us!
He brought me back to when I got sick in Nepal when He asked me to raise my left hand in the air before He healed me in the hospital (blog here). How that experience showed me how much He cares for me as a Father. Then the next season of the Race He showed me how much of a friend He wanted to be to me. How He wanted me to tell Him all the details. Now, I know He is eagerly listening like if He was hearing it for the first time. Despite the fact that He’s God and knows everything. He just cares so much.
And NOW. Now i’m entering into a season of seeing His romantic side. Seeing Him as a husband. Because He is all of these things. A father, a friend and a husband. My relationship with Him is just getting deeper and I feel so seen and loved the way He knows I need to be. In the way and timing I need to be.
I know He has a husband for me in the future. But I have never been more grateful that it hasn’t happened yet. Because, now I am discovering the PERFECT and FULL love HE has for me. I wont be dependent on another Human for that. The love he will have for me will be a beautiful addition to what Jesus gives me. I pray my Husband will know that as well. So we can give each other a true freedom to be and love like i believe Christ intended.
I love you so much Jesus
