This month has me thinking a lot about the circumstances people are born into. Our ministry this month is looking after children at an orphanage. The orphanage we are at is called the Josephine House in Cusco, Peru. There are 14 children in this orphanage called the Josephine House. They range from 4 months to 8 years old. The majority of them are around 2 years old. These children are rambunctious, joy filled, innocent and adorable. As I get to play, feed and snuggle them I cant help but think about how different their lives will look than mine. Privilege is something that comes to mind everyday as I cuddle little babies and toddlers whose parents have either died or have given them up. I see these precious children who have so much laughter and joy in the midst of the harsh reality that they are orphans. I look back on my own life in these moments and feel extremely privileged to have been gifted to parents who are still together and who have loved me so well.
This month has made me stop and thank God for the family I was gifted into. But it has also made me ask hard questions like why did I get the family I have and not a family that is broken up? Why was I born in Orange County, California and not Cusco, Peru, or somewhere else? For what purpose did the Lord gift me with the privilege I have? Why is my skin white and not brown? Why did these kids get placed in the circumstances they are in? Why do I have friends whose parents are not together anymore and I have parents who are still love each other deeply? For what purpose was I born able bodied, and on top of that, somewhat athletic? Did the Lord bestow me with such privilege for a specific reason or am I just “lucky”? What do I believe about my God? Do I believe that God is limited to the structures and constraints that I so often put him in? Or is God outside of all limitations that language tries to constrain Him/Her/It with? Do I always have to use male pronouns for God, or is God bigger than the gender constrains I have so often used? Is my God limited to color, race, ability, gender, heritage, culture, or ethnicity that I so often use?
These questions are hard to ask because they go against so many of the things I held so close and believed whole heartedly. They are also challenging because it forces me to step outside myself and really put myself in the shoes of other people; people who could not be more different from me. The hardest part about all my questions is that I honestly don’t have answers. Most of the time my questions have only led me to more questions. Which feels uncomfortable for my formally taught brain. My whole life I have grown up having answers and if I didn’t have the answers I knew someone who did. All these questions have placed me in a very uncomfortable place. But even without answers, I truly believe that I am supposed to ask the questions. I think there is so much value and worth in the asking. How can I truly grow if I don’t ask the questions? How can my view of God expand if I am not willing to go to the hard places and ask what my God actually says? The word tells me that when I truly seek, I will find. Here’s to the seeking, and sitting in the uncomfortable!
I think that for most of my life I have taken for granted the circumstances that I grew up in. I never thought about my white skin and the blessings of my family. I took for granted everything that was given to me and often times looked at these gifts as burdens. I think in every situation and circumstance in our lives the grass is greener on the other side. I know that for many people I have met they are itching to go to the United States to be able to earn some of the wealth to help provide for their families. Where as, I was itching to get out of the States to see what life was really like in other parts of the world; I wanted a new cultural experience. The more time I spend in other cultures, and parts of the world the more I see my own brokenness. I see how small my world view has been. I see how many constraints and boxes I have put God in. I see how limited I am by my wealthy, white woman perspective. I see how often I have bought into the fear of what was different. Without this trip I would not have come to the conclusion that there is true beauty in the things that make me feel squirmy and uncomfortable because those are the places that make me grow the most. My eyes have been opened up to the reality that we have been created uniquely to show off how creative God truly is. We have been shaped, molded, and sculpted to bring different sides of God to light. To show off the many shapes, colors, and forms the Lord can be.
Don’t hear me wrong, I am truly thankful for the perspective I grew up with, for the family I was gifted into, and for the place that I grew up. The Creator of the Universe knew exactly what I needed when I needed it and it is no mistake that I was born where I was. But I am thankful for the opportunity to have my eyes opened on this trip to see a different perspective for the first time. To have my mind blown over and over again when I think about how God knows each of us deeply and intimately. God knows the circumstances and opportunities you will be given throughout your whole life and into eternity. God walks with you every step of the way, it is up to you to choose to believe that the Creator of All is still GOOD in the midst of all circumstances. That is what I am choosing to believe. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND IN EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE. So I am trusting in that when I look at these precious babies. I am choosing to trust that God’s ways are better than mine and I am trusting that the plan for their little lives are in the hands of their Creator just like mine is.
