I’ll be home for Christmas. You can count on me.
To be honest, I’ve been a Grinch for Christmas these past few years. These first two paragraphs may come off as a wee bit grouchy or sad, but there’s a happy ending and an explanation of how I’ll be home for Christmas. As I got older, I personally perceived Christmas to be an excuse for big corporations to make more money off of people. I felt like commercials were saying “You have to buy this person THIS gift, and you have to do THIS event to have a happy Christmas.” It felt like a lot of pressure. I never had enough money, and going to the stores to buy something always felt rushed and crowded. On top of it, Santa Clause did not seem magical or worthy to me- because I always felt like it was creepy to have faith in some old guy whose theme songs sings: “You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout I’m telling you why…he sees you when you’re sleeping, he know when you’re awake. He knows when you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake.” Demanding and creepy much? or no? It’s okay if it’s just me.
I also realized not everyone can have a Merry Christmas. What about those who have lost a family member, or whose is struggling through an illness, or whose family did not have loving intentioned communication and therefore had drama, or for people who didn’t have family in general: orphans, sex slaves, refugees, and the homeless? For example, three Christmases ago, I participated in a protest downtown Chicago Christmas Eve night because a family had lost their son to police brutality and justice was not given. People were so quick to be against the protest, but not have empathy that this family lost a son. His family had to experience Christmas without him, and without justice. They say home is where the heart is, and I’ll be home for Christmas, but that family was robbed of their Christmas. Not everyone has an ideal Christmas, and it always made me sad when I think about others. Yes, I always had my family, and I am so thankful for my family through our ups and downs. I really am grateful, but I guess I personally didn’t know how to separate the evil of the world from the love that does exist. The holiday Christmas just got overrated for me, so I felt like a Grinch.
So when I got accepted on the world race, I was actually happy to know that I wasn’t going to be “home” for Christmas. I wanted to experience it somewhere else. Now that I’m in El Salvador, surrounded by a team of women I’ve only known for 4 months, men I’ve only known for a few weeks, and an organization who pours into children every day -where many of these children do not know or have families to call home – things are different. I am definitely out of my comfort zone. I’ve been asking myself this question: What is the meaning of home, anyway?
They say “Home is where the heart is.” Not sure who started saying that, but we often see it on wall decals and home furnishing stores. It’s a nice little saying. Question is, where is this heart that apparently is our home? What if our heart is not in the right place? Not everyone has a home. Not everyone has a heart full of joy or love. Many hearts are broken, shattered, lonely, sad, angry, hurt, fearful, revengeful, abandoned, abused and more. If you are someone who has been forgotten and are now an orphan, if you are someone who is enslaved by a trafficker and you have no one to trust, if you are a refugee and your home became something to fear and flee from, or you legit are among the many living on the street under the name “homeless,” then saying “home is where the heart is” may not make sense and can make many feel like there is no home for them.
The only thing that really got me pushing through for Christmas was the beautiful story of Jesus Christ’s birth. Whether you believe in Jesus or not, his birth is a really cool story. Now I understand December 25th isn’t the actual anniversary of his birth. It’s just the day the world chose to reflect and celebrate his birth. It always helped me though, because the story was always so beautiful. This angel came down and told this young random woman who is a virgin that she will be responsible to carry the child who will be the savior of the world. Like, what the heck? She was just a nobody, from a random no special city, and had to endure this HUGE responsibility of raising God’s freaking son. I’m sure she faced a lot of judgment and shame from her small town since she wasn’t married and I’m sure assumed she was not a virgin. Her fiance, Joseph, had to be convinced she didn’t cheat on him either. Thankfully, Joseph had an angel reassure him it’s okay though. She and Joseph were also poor, and they had to walk far away on a donkey to flee from their home as refugees since the King at the time wanted to kill babies. No one would let this pregnant woman in so she can give birth to her newborn, so God’s son had to be born in a dirty shed with dirty animals in a haystack. Nothing special. The only visitors were shepherds – who were probably also dirty and also didn’t understand why God chose only them to go visit his Holy son. Like it’s a wild story, but it’s beautiful because he chose the lowest, poorest, of humanity and ambiance to come into the world and save us. He didn’t choose some wealthy, clean, high status public figure or King. It was just random citizens. Like you and I. And it helps me learn God’s character. We don’t have to be some high status figure or make tons of money to find our worth. We just have to be willing to listen to him, and he has a plan for us. Mary and Joseph listened to God, and they were the vessels to help save the world by raising this random child. Wow. If they can do that, so can we.
So they say home is where the heart is, but the home I see when the world caves in on us and there’s nowhere to go – that home is God. God is always with us. He never leaves our side. He never leaves the homeless, the orphans, the widows, the refugees, the ones enslaved as child soldiers or human traffickers. He doesn’t leave us either, even when there are seasons when we cannot see him or feel him. Home is where the heart is when we think we have no one, and our heart is on God. Therefore, home is where God is. What’s great is God is everywhere. I’ve heard so many stories of women trapped in sex slavery. They said they had no one – except God – and through Him, they trusted him, and they eventually became free from that situation and escaped.
That’s beautiful to me! It’s inspiring! That story of Jesus’ birth gives me hope. Therefore, I can be anywhere in the world, and I will always be home- because home is where God is. I will learn to love others the way he does. I will learn to love my teammates, squadmates, people of other cultures, his children, and his Earth the way he loves. I will always try to be intentional – and I know I will make mistakes, but I will always try to learn from my mistakes and choose love. I want to love the way God loves. So no, I will not be in Chicago this December 25th, but I will be home for Christmas, because God is here with me. He’s everywhere. I’m just going to continue seeking him, listening to him and experience his love for me and everyone I interact with.
This Christmas, we are spending time with kids from the local orphanages and who are living in juvenile prisons. We are spending time with them through the organization, Sus Hijos, to show that they do have a home, hope and a future. God is always with them even when humans fail them. God loves them so much, and they are so worthy of the best this life has to offer. Sus Hijos had donors give them Christmas gifts, while we all sang worship songs, play games, dance, and shared new memories. There is hope for these kids, and this organization is doing amazing things to pour into them and guide them that hope. I am so thankful to be serving alongside this beautiful organization. So yes, I’ll be home for Christmas, you can count on me.
This blog goes out to all those who try to have a “Merry” Christmas but can’t because of some kind of struggle. It’s okay. You are not alone. This season isn’t always “the most wonderful time of year,” and it’s important to recognize that. You’re still worthy, valuable, and this season is just that…a season. This too shall pass. I believe in you. You don’t have to have a Merry Christmas, but find hope and keep going.
Feliz Cumpleanos, Jesus! 🙂
P.S – if you’re interested in giving to a worthy organization this Christmas, consider giving toward my fundraiser above this blog post to give back to those who won’t have an ideal Hallmark Christmas. Thank you too all those who have been giving this year. Your gift is giving to so many throughout the world.
