One thing I have learned while being on the field is that we, as racers, have a lot of “lingo” that we use.
It reminds me of construction workers using specific words that others don’t use or understand. Or a doctor. Or a CrossFit competitor.
Sometimes we giggle about/make fun of our ‘Christian’ lingo, but the World Race has its own as well.
You hear terms from racers like “feedback,” “team time,” “processing,” “ATL,” the list goes on.
But what do these terms mean?
One term we use frequently that can be misunderstood is the idea of grieving.
The definition of grieving is: (to) feel intense sorrow.
A lot of people may use this word to point to someone’s death.
But racers use it a little differently.
We talk about how when we go home, we will have the grieve the loss of the race.
We talk about grieving the loss of relationships.
Grieving the loss of what “could’ve been.”
Did someone die?
Did something get taken from us?
Not quite.
The idea of grieving, in these specific situations, (and in my opinion), means the specific time frame the Lord had designed for a season/experience is coming to an end. & it hurts.
For example, at the beginning of the race, leadership puts you on a team with 4-6 other people, and then a few months later, there comes a time for team changes.
When teams change, you may say you are ‘grieving the loss of’ that team.
None of the teammates died, or quit the race, but you simply aren’t living with/doing daily life with them anymore.
& it hurts.
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A couple weeks ago, I went home for my brother’s wedding.
I was home for a week and spent the majority of the time traveling from place to place.
I felt so loved with all the lunch dates, 30-minute dinners, I’m so glad to see you!’s, and all the in between.
But I feel like I am grieving now.
Shortly after I came back to the field, my family had a ceremony celebrating Forrest’s birthday and year anniversary since he passed away.
If you haven’t read my blog about his death, click here.
I FaceTimed in, and hear me out, I am SO thankful for technology. But MAN, I wanted to be there.
It put me in a place of understanding grief deeply for the first time. And there is a lot I am grieving.
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After life in the US for a week, I crave so much of what was there. But I also craved things from the field.
From home, I crave…
-quality time with Grant
-riding in the car and listening to music
-going to dinner and catching up with friends
-being close to people, like physically close
-walks on the beach in Wilmington
-baking cookies before dinner is done
-sitting with my sisters and chatting for hours
-planning the wedding & being able to make calls anytime I need to
-regular Mexican dinners in Burke County
-hanging out with Toshia and Max
-sitting with my momma
-time with Ashlyn, literally doing anything (miss you, ash)
-brewery trips (that have cider) with G
-my bed
-fresh brewed coffee
-being in a routine
-having a stable job(s)
-laying on the couch and having a ‘lazy day’
-my comfort zone
-weekend adventures
-& many more
From the field, I craved (& will crave)…
-sleeping beside someone every night (but see you soon, marriage)
-processing in a coffee shop in a random country
-the mountain views in Filandia, Colombia
-experiencing so many ‘firsts’
-quiet time in the mornings beside Suze
-the walks to ministry in Quito, Ecuador
-milkshake dates with Allie
-my runs by the beach in Lima, Peru
-giggling with Sara
-crying randomly and knowing someone is close enough to hear
-our Bolivian Dad
-the constant ‘newness’
-our family in Nepal
-debriefs
-inner healings with community
-processing things at a deeper level than I knew I was capable
-knowing I will be pushed out of my comfort zone
-our Armenian hostel mommas
-someone always being down to bake cookies
-sunsets in Batumi, Georgia
-& many more
I want to incorporate the beauty of this crazy life into the routine of being home.
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I am currently planning my wedding. & I love it, every second of it.
I have the most ridiculous Excel sheet that has like 15 tabs, not a joke. (LMK if you want to see).
I make calls, reserve things, and plan WAY ahead of time.
(Last week, I tried to make manicure/pedicure appointments 6 months ahead of time, and the man told me he plans “5 minute…20 minute…1 hour…1 day ahead” so here we are. Oops.)
As I plan my wedding, and as I went home for my brother’s wedding, I am getting/got a taste of what life will be like there.
I’m preparing my heart for a season where I will see and understand that structure and Holy Spirit can coincide.
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So, as I prepare and pray for that season of life, I feel like I am grieving the loss of…
-college.
-living with Ash, my best friend.
-my step brother’s death.
-living with my mom and sisters.
-having a gazillion part time jobs.
-being able to say, “hey I need this week off” and not worrying about ‘PTO’.
-all of my sibling being within walking distance.
-naps in the middle of the day.
-the ease of being a child (even if I wouldn’t admit I was one).
-being in direct community with 5-23 people daily on the race.
-leaving a piece of my heart in a different country every month.
-& so much more.
I want to savor the moments I have left.
In a couple days, we leave for Romania. Month 10. Double digits. Only 2 left.
I will not take this experience for granted.
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See you soon.
All my love,
HB
