Every goodbye gets harder.
Every “I’ll see you in 11 months,” holiday celebration, final hug, conversation about what the next year will look like gets harder.
Every day feels like it goes by faster, while I want it to slow down.
It’s really easy to leave the United States when things at home aren’t great.
It’s a whole heck of a lot harder to leave when things have never been better.
Back story – I applied for the World Race during a really hard transition of my life.
I applied for the World Race (knowing I was called to a missional lifestyle) but somewhat looking for an escape from life as I knew it.
Fun fact, God has a sense of humor. More often than not, He uses our selfishness to teach us more about his perfectly graceful and loving character.
I applied for the World Race, desperate for more of Jesus, desperate to feel like my life had purpose, and desperate to understand more of who I was through Him.
All of these things are still true, and I understand my purpose and my character more than I did in December, when I committed, and I still yearn to know more.
But there is a difference.
My life right now feels more ‘put together’ (whatever that actually means) than before.
I sat on stage with my dad this past weekend and shared with his congregation the reason I am going on the World Race, and how I got to this point.
My dad even said to the crowd – “when Hannah was talking about the World Race, I thought to myself, ‘this is just a phase, it’ll pass.’”
I’m sure many thought the same thing.
11 months, living out of a backpack, in 11 different countries? There’s no way this’ll last.
But, God.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t romanced by the World Race as a concept.
Also, hear me out, I am not ignorant to the fact that I will see and experience things this year that will break my heart and may bring me to my lowest point.
I also am expectant that in those moments, I will feel and know the Lord deeper and truer than before.
I applied for the World Race, knowing the Lord would use it, and believing it would allow me to escape the mess that my life was.
But when things started to ‘fall into place’, the Lord asked me a question.
What do I mean by ‘fall into place’?
I began to spend intimate alone time with the Lord every day, and it filled me to the brim.
I started to study (like really study) the word of God and was able to keep it on my tongue and share about Him every day.
I began to process and understand my life up to that point, and how it shaped me into the believer I am today.
I invested so deeply in my job at the YMCA, and I began to truly value the time I had with children.
My partner (Grant) came to know the Lord differently in an incredibly difficult season and began to love me from the overflowing love of Jesus instead of from himself.
I lived with my best friend, and we had cookies almost every day. (it’s the little things).
I graduated from college.
I moved to a city that I love.
(Just in the past couple weeks)–
I have had incredible conversations where I can feel the presence of the Lord hugging me as I share things that are hard and vulnerable.
My family has loved and celebrated me the same way they would if I were going to be in the U.S. for Christmas, Thanksgiving, my birthday, Valentine’s Day, etc. etc.
I got engaged and said YES to spending the rest of my life pursuing the Lord with Grant.
I have had the chance to publicly share my testimony (another post coming soon) and see the fruit of sharing your personal experience with others.
But when I evaluated life, and realized how good it was getting, the Lord asked me, “what are you willing to sacrifice?”
HA. Oh man.
The Lord so gently and kindly humbles me. Every time.
I mean, COME ON, it doesn’t get better than this!
BUT IT DOES.
Y’all, every day gets harder with another good bye.
Yet every day gets better as I get to choose Jesus over what is comfortable and promising through the world’s eyes.
It’s hard to leave when things are going well.
But here’s what I know about the Lord: He doesn’t call us to walk away from some things.
He calls us to walk away from EVERYTHING and follow Him (Matthew 19:21).
Following him, whether it be on the World Race, as a student, as an employee, as a mom — will lead to a lifetime of fulfillment and contentment.
I trust Him.
Just trust Him.
As each encounter gets harder, I get more excited.
The harder this is, the more I will learn about who Jesus is, and who He created me to be.
Thank you for journeying with me.
PRAYER REQUESTS:
Pray for the goodbyes. That they would be filled with grace and love.
Pray for quiet times. That my time with the Lord every day would be full of His presence, and that I would lean into hearing his voice.
Pray for boldness. That as I share about the World Race with unbelievers, the Lord would open doors to share the gospel.
Pray for emotionally being present. It is really hard to emotionally stay here when my heart is preparing for the next 11 months. Pray that I soak in time with family.
Pray for processing. I am still processing training camp (I promise a blog post is coming soon). Speaking of, pray for consistency in blogging. It’s easy to use busyness as an excuse. It’s not an excuse. I WILL BLOG 🙂
FINANCIAL UPDATE:
I am sitting at almost 50% funded!! WHOA! Thank you!!
I am still about 10,000 dollars from being fully funded.
Would you consider partnering with me? I am looking for 15 people to give 100 dollars before September 20. Would you be willing to be one of the 15?
Thank you for believing that spreading His truth is worth it.
I love y’all.
All my love,
Hannah
