Being a missionary isn’t exactly the most exciting job. Look past all the cool photos and videos of things we encounter and there you will see how exhausting, frustrating, and difficult it can be at times. (Heads up to future World Racers this is not a vacation, if you think you’re going on an 11 month vacation then you are in for a rude awakening.)
The last few months there has been times where it was hard for me to get out of bed because I was dreading the ministry for that day. I thought to myself, “I can’t do this today, my heart isn’t in it, I’m not in the mood, I’m too tired, I don’t feel well enough.” Then you remind yourself that you’re the Lord’s servant and then you start feeling all convicted and finally you make yourself get out of bed and go. Within a matter of 4 months I had so many different roles on ministry. Surely I would feel passionate about one, or feel like I had a gift to contribute. In all honesty it was hard because I didn’t feel like God was using me for anything significant and I kept comparing myself to other people’s experiences and looking at how they could utilize their gifts for the kingdom.
One of my favorite songs from Hillsong Worship is, “New Wine.” I would sing my favorite verse over and over as a prayer to the Lord:
Make me Your vessel
Make me an offering
Make me whatever You want me to be
I came here with nothing
But all You have given me
Jesus, bring new wine out of me
I thought to myself, “God why won’t you use me? I am asking you to use me for your kingdom.” Then one night in Pretoria, South Africa we sang this song in a worship session. I probably heard this song over a hundred times and for the first time something clicked and I sat on the floor and cried. He has been using me, I’ve just been selfish. I asked Him to make me whatever He wanted me to be and He has done just that. He used me to build a foundation on the side of a mountain, a prayer warrior over the sick, an English teacher, a painter, an evangelist, a worship coordinator and so much more. I wasn’t truly submitting myself to how the Lord wanted to use me. I thought I should have been used for bigger and better things like using the gift of healing. But who am I to say that I am too good to be used for the smaller things in helping to build the kingdom?
I remember a certain paragraph that I read in a book called, Basic Discipleship, written by Floyd McClung. He talked about God entrusting us with certain tasks and used a really good analogy. This won’t be word for word but he said something along the lines of, “Say you have a car and it’s old and beat up so you don’t really take care of it. You tell yourself that if you were to have a nice brand new car you would take better care of it. In all honesty if you can’t take care of what you already have then how do you expect yourself to take care of something new, something worth more value?” If God can’t entrust me to be obedient and willing to serve with the smaller things then how can He entrust me with the bigger things? I’m so glad that I have come to realize this truth because it’s not about me it’s about God. It has helped me find more joy in the tougher ministry day’s knowing that there is a reason He wants to use me.
The very first verse of the song is:
In the crushing
In the pressing
You are making
New wine
Sometimes we are being refined and it’s hard. We don’t always see what God has planned for us and we feel like we are just going through hard times for no reason. New wine comes from pressure and crushing of our old selves in the same way that the Lord refines us through fire. This allows so much room for the Holy Spirit to come in and help you grow. Be open and obedient to whatever He is asking of you and you’ll begin to form intimacy with God and you’ll become so much stronger in your faith. God wants to use each and everyone of His children, you are the body of Christ. Don’t put God in a box and limit Him on what He can use you for.
