Real talk; I have put off writing this. I didn’t know what to write or what to say. Since I’ve gotten back from Haiti on Tuesday, I’ve struggled. The enemy has filled my head with doubts, insecurities, and fears. UGH.
Yet, for the first time in 4 days, I’ve felt the light and excitement. It happened just now as I was showing my dad some of the videos from the girls in Haiti. I think that it’s hitting me now that this is all actually happening. This is my life. I am doing this. Holy crap.
I struggled feeling close and connected to God like I did on top of that mountain. Life is so different here. Everything is so busy. I think we forget to just take time and be. To sit and enjoy the presence of the Lord. With catching up on all the school work and getting back into a world where it feels so surface level; it’s been challenging. The enemy has made me feel like I’m some joke. Like I’m a freak for doing what I’m doing. I’ve felt alone and as if I made some rash decision. Truthfully, I’ve just felt more like an outsider than I usually do.
However, I know this is all just that dumb Satan trying to break me down. I think I’m finally realizing that faith is an everyday battle; it’s a choice. It’s the choice to wake up each morning and have the courage to keep going and T R U S T in him. That’s one thing that Haiti did for me; it brought fully trusting and the process of it, onto my radar. How that in this journey I need to trust. Not just talk about trusting, but actually trusting in what God has in store for me.
I think I’m going to put another blog up soon just talking about all of the different things God did while on my trip because Y’ALL THERE WAS SO MUCH. MY PAPA SHOWED UP AND WAS WORKIN! Yet, I’ll leave you with something that was truly placed on my heart in all of this.
We did a VBS for the local village kids every day; we would tell a story, share snacks, and get brutally defeated in soccer by the local teenagers. On the first day, we were telling the story of Jonah. I volunteered to tell the story and have the translator translate for me. I knew that this would be something I would have to get comfortable with doing because this is something that I’d probably be doing on the race. Honestly, I was legitimately afraid. Sharing my heart in a school chapel was scary, but this… this was different. I don’t know why but I was legitimately nervous. This felt like truly sharing the gospel in a way I had never done before. As we walked to the field I just began to pray and ask God to help me. I wanted to make sure that I was clear in telling the story. That’s when my trip leader Mrs.Huber reminded me of Jonah’s prayer inside the big ole fish. It’s like I had forgotten that part of the story. I made it through and I felt like I was on top of the world after I shared the story. I played soccer and got my tail whipped by 8-year-olds. This was joy. I was beyond content. Yet, I wanted to go back and look at Jonah’s prayer. So, later when some of us were watching the sunset before dinner I began to read Jonah’s prayer. HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS. I can’t believe I’d forgotten about this prayer. It’s like it was the perfect affirmation from my father that I needed about my situation and this journey ahead of me.
Here it is: Jonah 2
Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the belly of the fish, 2 saying,
“I called out to the Lord, out of my distress,
and he answered me;
out of the belly of Sheol I cried,
and you heard my voice.
3 For you cast me into the deep,
into the heart of the seas,
and the flood surrounded me;
all your waves and your billows
passed over me.
4 Then I said, ‘I am driven away
from your sight;
yet I shall again look
upon your holy temple.’
5 The waters closed in over me to take my life;
the deep surrounded me;
weeds were wrapped about my head
6 at the roots of the mountains.
I went down to the land
whose bars closed upon me forever;
yet you brought up my life from the pit,
O Lord my God.
7 When my life was fainting away,
I remembered the Lord,
and my prayer came to you,
into your holy temple.
8 Those who pay regard to vain idols
forsake their hope of steadfast love.
9 But I with the voice of thanksgiving
will sacrifice to you;
what I have vowed I will pay.
Salvation belongs to the Lord!”
10 And the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah out upon the dry land.
I just felt God speaking to me through this prayer. I just felt as if Jonah’s situation reminded me of how I’ve felt over the past 4 months.
I’ve sinned and stumbled and made plenty of mistakes. Yet, through the brokenness, I saw God in a different way. I was in the deep. Drowning in my shame and sin. The waves of sorrow crashing over me. I called out to him and when he could’ve let me sink, my father picked me up, and brought me into his arms and overwhelmed me with his love. Instead of living in my pain, I followed him and offered up my comfortable life for the life he has planned for me.
Jonah, my dude, I know I was judgmental towards you but I can relate. P.S.- that prayer was legit.
Trying to remember to rejoice in all circumstances and meet the sacrifice with a joyful, obedient, and open heart.
Prayers, please in this prep time before the world race.
Also, if you’ve already donated, I can’t tell you how much it has meant to me! EVERY DOLLAR, DIME, CHECK, AND CREDIT CARD HELPS!!
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I love you all so much. This is both exciting and terrifying… and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Grace Davis.
Here’s a picture of me telling the story of Jonah to some sweet kiddos.
Here are some more pictures from Haiti that just make me happy and while writing I feel really super grateful that this is my life. Enjoy the extra pics!!
