By this time next month, I will be in Chile!!! And by this time next year, I will be back in the States trying to figure out how to live out my life after 11 months away. It’s all so crazy to think about. I have been thinking about SO much…
It’s been a few weeks now since my 25th birthday and I have been thinking about some of the things I have learned that I really wish I had been able to share with my younger self. I think about how important it was for me to know that it is okay to let go of certain friendships, to seek therapy, to quit a job…So, here are 25 things that I wish I could have said to my younger self or that I wish I would have heard spoken into my life and listened to. I definitely don’t have it all figured out yet, but maybe what I have learned will speak to someone before they have to “learn” it themselves…
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Don’t Give Up On Your Daydream. Everything requires a learning curve and that is okay. The sooner you take chances, the more you will learn. Create something that matters. And remember that just because you are good at something or knowledgeable doesn’t mean you’ll love it. Find where your passions, skills, and ability to meet the needs of others overlap and do that.
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Grow. Read constantly, subscribe to podcasts, join courses, take personality tests, watch videos, ask for feedback… Get to know yourself and work toward being the best version of yourself you want to be.
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See a Counselor. NOW. Please! Don’t wait. I have been going regularly to see my counselor weekly for about two years now and I still look forward to it every week. I have made some serious progress but know that there is still so much I am still figuring out. Also, start getting regular check-ups and not just OB-GYN. I am still not too good at this and I know insurance has a lot to do with it. But, take care of yourself by going to the dentist, hair appointments, etc. #TreatYoSelf
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Nurture Your Important Friendships. Prioritize your time to be spent around the people and friends that give you life. Pour into those people you care about. Life is not meant to be lived without community. The treasures we need to store up in heaven are people– people are our treasure. #FindYourTribe
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But Don’t Be Afraid to Let Others Go. I think this one has been the hardest lesson to learn yet– toxic relationships exist and the toxicity is so very real. I need you to know that it is okay to let them go. You’ll both be better for it in the end. Yes, it may be one of the hardest things you do and it is okay to grieve those relationships and it is okay to doubt your decision– write all the hurt out and remind yourself why you want to move forward. And when you move forward, let go of all that writing. Turn those people over the the Lord. Someday, there may be a powerful opportunity for reconciliation but it won’t come until you let God really intervene. And even then, it may not happen, but you can find healing.
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Be Accountable. Listen to the people in your life that tell you what you do not want to hear because they usually have your best interest in mind. One of the best ways for this is by intentionally seeking a Mentor. Meet with someone you admire. When you find someone who has endured through so much in life and still knows that Jesus is good, you have found a treasure. Let those people speak into you.
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Invest in Others. Be who you needed when you were younger. You know what the void is like– don’t waste that. Get involved in your local community and give back in the best way you know you needed. “What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other,” George Eliot.
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Choose Joy. I struggle with depression. I have been on anti-depressants for so long and, still, there are days where I don’t know how to function. It will be difficult but there is still a way you can choose joy. Celebrate small things that matter– your friends getting married, your friends having beautiful babies, your birthday, loved ones getting their dream job, etc. Those little things will carry you through more than you can imagine.
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Speak Up. It is so easy to stay quiet because we are afraid to hurt others’ feelings. I have learned that speaking up is a rare thing in our society. Learn to call others “up” to their potential and don’t think about it being a way to call others “out”. Speak truth in love. Doing what is right is not easy; in fact, many times it requires grieving and deep feelings of loneliness. But, I promise that you will regret NOT doing what is right more than you will ever regret the hardship of doing what is right.
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Pray. “It’s not so true that ‘prayer changes things’ as that prayer changes me and I change things. Prayer is not a question of altering things externally, but of working wonders in a man’s disposition” -Oswald Chambers. Surround yourself with a community that believes the power of prayer. When you find friends who will pray over you when you talk on the phone, who will seek you out on the day of your wedding to bless you, who will hold you close when you are hurting and cry out to the Lord with you, stay close to them…
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Never Settle. Don’t chase the American Dream. Step out of your comfort zone for the benefit of your career, your relationships, your adventures…God has bigger plans for you than the ones you could ever draft up.
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Be Brave. Some of my closest friends know that “brave” is my word. Don’t let fear hold you back from doing what is right even when it is hard. Don’t let the unknown hold you back from changing your life. Travel. Try new things. If necessary, do it afraid.
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He’s in the Waiting. Our weeping does not go to waste. God sees and plans for the bigger picture. God is faithful, He is just, and He is graceful. Find Papa in the middle of the pain. Often times, these are the moments where we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to know His heart and grow closer to Him.
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Fall in Love. “I hope that you fall in love and it hurts so bad,” One Republic. Loving friends, family, and anyone else is not always easy and sometimes it really hurts but it is, indeed, worth it. Don’t be afraid to feel deeply for others.
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Guard your Heart. Even when falling in love, be wise. Seek the perspective of others that you trust and of couples’ relationships that you admire. “Many will try to win your heart for you are worthy. But guard your heart for [those] I trust to treasure you” – God.
- Set Boundaries. I have met people who hate boundaries because they fear they keep them from being who they truly are; but, I find wisdom in this: “I believe that boundaries should be more about ‘how do I best love others and stay connected to Christ so I can walk in the Spirit’ than about ‘how do I protect myself to make sure I don’t get taken advantage of, burnt out, etc. in the process,’” Bill Swan.
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Words Carry Weight. Speak life. Listen carefully to what others say about themselves and over their lives for “the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart” Matthew 15:18. When people express negative thoughts about themselves or about life…care for their hearts and pour life back into them. Check your heart regularly. What are you putting into it? Have you been filling it with music that expresses darkness or that shines light?
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Actions Speak Louder. Practice what you preach. Ask for feedback and input from those who watch your life. If others are living a life where their actions don’t match their words, call them higher into accountability. Some of us are good at crafting the right words to masquerade behind pain or sadness. Words can only mean so much unless they are backed up by our actions. Encourage others and yourself to figure out if it is the words in your life that needs to change or your actions that need to follow your speech so that there is balance.
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Live Above Reproach. You are always responsible for how you act no matter how you feel. You should almost always be on your best behavior. When you can’t be, find your safe people to help you through the behaviors you struggle with.
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Struggle, but Struggle Well. The truth is, we are all hurting and struggling with something and some days are harder than others. It is okay to cry. It is okay to struggle. But struggle well. Seek accountability, choose to grow as a person, seek counsel, and move forward. Don’t stay stuck in the struggles– choose to believe you are strong enough to move forward one step at a time.
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Jesus. One of the most important things you can do is cultivate your relationship with Jesus. Get to know Him. Talk to Him. Learn His character inside and out and preach it back to yourself when you can’t see or feel Him. Keep in mind that there is no intimacy without obedience to God. Obey Him even when you don’t understand and let Him work in your heart to align your feelings with your steps of faith.
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His Love is Relentless. God will intervene in your life countless times because He knows your character matters more than your vocation, reputation, etc. Jesus cares way more about your righteousness than He does about your happiness. And when you take the steps to get to know His heart for you, you will get to know how truly beautiful that is. His reckless love is faithful enough to wreck our plans before they wreck us.
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Surrender. Surrender what you don’t want to give up at the feet of Jesus and watch what He does.
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Know Whose You Are. There will be rumors, lies, shame, scars…You will make mistakes, you will hurt others, others will hurt you…You have a past. You are human. But let God define you. You are His. He fulfills you. He sustains you.
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Your Story Matters. Write things down– lessons you have learned, prayers, blessings… Share your story and hear others’ stories. Read and reflect on the moments that Jesus has brought you through. Celebrate with others in the victories they have experienced in their lives. And if others give you permission, share their stories with people in your own circle.
I’m excited to look back on this in a year and see what other lessons I have learned in the time that I would have been away from this area and the stories that will impact my life and the way I live.
