This blog is similar to one I’ve already posted because I’ve decided to share some more Psalms that I’ve rewritten. Originally I asked the Lord for a Psalm, and he told me 43. After reading through it and looking at my study Bible’s footnotes I decided to rewrite 42 and 43 because they were originally written together.
Rewriting passages of scripture has become something I love because it forces me to read scripture slowly line by line, process what the words say, and also apply it to my own life. It’s also a form of worship where I get to write poetry for my Father and use the creative gifts he’s given me.
These Psalms in particular held a lot of weight when I read them a few days ago. I’ve been struggling with being back in Mae Ai this month. We were here two months ago and are still teaching English at the Buddhist school in the small village. We’ve been teaching English for all 6 months of the Race so far, which has been really hard, but the students are particularly difficult to teach here. The classes are big, we don’t speak Thai, they don’t speak or understand English, so when their teacher asks us to explain uncountable nouns, it’s almost impossible. We know there’s not a lot of English they’re actually learning, and what they do have memorized are phrases they don’t understand. The past few days back at Bankai school have been difficult after our last month where we saw a lot of fruit and built solid relationships with our host and kids.
The past week I’ve asked God a lot of questions– Why are we here? What’s the point if we can’t teach and they can’t learn? Is my whole life going to be like this? Waiting for you to do something big and then it never happens and I’m always disappointed? Will I always be fighting through the hard things and never getting to the peace you talk about so much?
And I know, that I know, that I know, that God uses everything we give even when we can’t see the results, but even if those words are true, they lose meaning when you’ve been repeating them to yourself almost most of your life.
But despite my ungratefulness to live here another month, he is faithful when we are faithless. Praise God. Even though our classes the past two days have been the worst of the Race so far, he has given me peace and grace and is really showing me how much he loves me. Thank you, Jesus.
The following passages are Psalms 42 and 43 flowing together first from my ESV Bible and then rewritten in my own words.
As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?”
These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me.
By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God, my rock: “Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”
As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?”
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause against an ungodly people, from the deceitful and unjust man deliver me!
For you are the God in whom I take refuge; why have you rejected me? Why do I go about mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?
Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me, let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling!
Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God.
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
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As the green things reach beneath the soil for flowing streams, so my soul longs for your presence.
My spirit craves you, Father– my true protector who cares so deeply for me.
When will you come for me?
My anger and confusion have been my food day and night, and they question me all the day long, “Why are you here? What is the point?”
These things I remember and my soul takes refuge in: your promises in high places and your steadfast faithfulness in my faithless flesh.
Why are you cast down, oh my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in my Father, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and the lover of my soul.
My soul is cast down within me, therefore I remember your past faithfulness as you brought me out of the unknown and into the present, and I believe you will do it again.
Deep calls to deep at the roar or your waterfalls– all your breakers and your waves have gone over me.
Your steadfast love is so deep for me, and your song for me plays in my heart unending– your prayer for me from the God of life.
I say to you, my rock, “Will my entire life be like this? Will I always be fighting and never still?”
And with deadly thoughts in my mind, the taunt me, “what is the point?”
Why are you cast down, oh my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in my Father, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and the lover of my soul.
Vindicate me, Father, and defend me from myself, from my deceitful and unforgiving self, draw me out of the deep pits of myself.
I take refuge in you, Father, don’t listen to the sin in my mind, why do I find myself lost in the lies of my own mind– the oppression of myself?
Send out your words of truth and let them destroy me.
Let your voice bring truth to the lies, light to the darkest parts of my mind and soul,
Let them bring me closer to your heart and deeper into your eyes that I may see myself the way you see me.
Then I will go to the alter of my bridegroom, to my King Jesus with exceeding joy, I will praise you with my sweet voice, oh God, my God.
Why are you cast down, oh my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in my Father, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and the lover of my soul.
