I woke up really nervous for my day of ministry ahead of me. It was Wednesday and we were doing home visits to the families of the kids at our care points. I was nervous because the first time we did home visits I was so expectant that the lord would show up. That we’d see healing and tears and large bodies of water being split in half and all this epic stuff when in reality we got to pray for some people’s kids to be successful in school and help out at some homesteads and take pictures of flowers and pigs. Nothing really went down, I was discouraged. But this Wednesday I was excited, but also nervous. I didn’t want to be too expectant only to be let down. So I gave it all to the Lord. I left all my stuff behind, like when Jesus sent out the 12 disciples. I was in constant conversation with the Lord the whole time we walked and our team was completely prayed up and ready. On our walk we got to pray for a man named Simon who was homeless and had one leg. We prayed for an older woman named Clementine (who’s my best friend now), we had good conversation and things were going pretty well. Then we got to one little homestead who’s a friend of the preschool teacher at our care-point. We walk into a small room where a 20 or so year old boy is curled up in a ball on his bed, clearly in excruciating pain. His name is Felack, He had his eyes squeezed tight and his arm clutching his ribs, barely able to speak or breathe without pain. We didn’t know specifically what was wrong with him, just that he’d been in this exact position and pain for days and he wasn’t getting better. When I saw this boy I got so excited, it was so hard to see him in such pain but I was stoked because I just knew the Lord could and would heal him. I was so excited to see God move and heal In a big way. So we gathered around him, I was knelt by his head with my hand on his rib, ready for the Lord to do his thing. We prayed and worshipped for what felt like forever. Nothing was happening. I was so confused. After a while We offered one more, kind of half hearted and exhausted prayer and I laid my head on the edge of the bed. I closed my eyes tight and felt my face get hot as tears began to fall. I was so confused. When I left that room I felt defeated and frustrated with God. Why didn’t he heal him right then and there? I knew he could. I knew He had before. Why was he holding back? Was it something I did? I dried my eyes and went on trying to have faith that the Lord knew something I didn’t or had some kind of plan. But I really didn’t have that kind of faith.
So fast forward to exactly a week later. We hadn’t been to the care-point since that day at home visits because of a storm. I had been tossing and turning about this boy and this situation all week. I’d cried about it a few times to my team and expressed my frustration with God. My team had more faith than me. They tried to comfort me and tell me to have faith and God had a plan. None of it made me feel better. I couldn’t wrap my head around why the heck God didn’t just heal him.
I was nervous walking into the care point. I saw our friend who knows Felack and my stomach dropped. I was afraid to ask her how he was doing. I was afraid she would tell me he was worse or even dead, we didn’t know what he had. It took me a while but I conjured up the courage. I asked her how he was doing, she gave me a big smile and said he was completely better and back at school. Of course I was happy, I felt relieved. I didn’t really know what the think.
“When did he start to feel better?” I asked her hesitantly.
She started to get excited, “Well, right after you guys left after praying for him he fell asleep. When he woke up, he stood up and was completely healed. All better. Just like that.”
Tears started to well in my eyes and I just shook my head. I felt like a fool. Why would I doubt God? How could I? My team mates all gave me that, ‘I told ya so’ look and I laughed.
This whole week of me stressing out and being mad at God for not healing him, he was healed. He was healed the whole time. I apologized to the Lord, I got a good lesson on patience, on faith. On not always seeking instant gratification because the Lord speaks in the waiting. In the frustration and unanswered questions. O ye of little faith!!
He heals, he answers prayers and questions, he teaches us lessons and reminds us to keep the faith. No doubt I’ll doubt again. Not everything will be instant. Honestly most things won’t be. And that’s okay. Maybe I won’t understand it all, but a friend of mine once said a God who I can fully comprehend is not worth worshipping.
