My team is in Malaysia! Actually, by the time I post this, I think my time in Malaysia will be almost coming to an end which is crazy. Not only is my time in this country ending, but my time on the field with these people is almost over. 3 months really flew by, and now towards the end of my days here, I’m feeling beyond grateful and overwhelmed for all the Lord did and allowed me to be a part of. He truly blessed me big time when He derailed my plans just a little bit more, and I am so glad for the yes I said to alumni team-leading just about 6 months ago.
When I was praying about this fall and if team-leading was the next step for me, He led me to the story of when Jesus feeds the 5000 in the gospel of Matthew.
Matthew 14:14-21
When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick. As evening approached, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a remote place, and it’s already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food.” Jesus replied, “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.” “We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered. “Bring them here to me,” he said. And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were leftover. The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children.
I’d read and heard this story so many times, but this time something new stuck out to me. The fact that there were leftovers. Not only did Jesus provide ENOUGH food to feed the 5000 men (not to mention women and children) that were there, He provided MORE THAN ENOUGH. Abundance. Basketfuls of leftovers. In addition, Jesus allowed the disciples to be part of this incredible miracle. He blessed and broke the bread, and then handed it to them to pass out to the people. Inviting them into what He was doing, and letting them put their faith into practice. He didn’t need them to pass the bread and fish out to the people. He could’ve done it all on His own. But He didn’t. He invited imperfect humans into what He was doing, and the result was a beautiful display of His glory and goodness and love and power through the vessels of these men.
As I read this story and thought about these things, He spoke very clearly to me. He reminded me that He knows I’m not perfect. He knows I will fail in this role. He knows I won’t be able to get it all right. But He’s wanting to use me anyways. He’s inviting me to say yes and join Him in what He’s doing. He doesn’t need me, but He really wants me. He also encouraged me that an awareness of the things I thought I was lacking wasn’t bad. It actually opens the door for His power to be revealed even more evidently. He promised me abundance. Even though at that moment I didn’t feel like I had anything good to give away to new racers. I didn’t feel like I was capable of leading or pouring into their lives. He promised me that if I offered up what little I felt I had to Him, that He would multiply it and provide extravagantly, in the ‘more than enough’ way that only He can.
And wow have I seen this promise fulfilled. This season of team leading has been weird and wild and hard for sure, but also one of the most fruitful and exciting seasons as well. I’ve grown in ways I never expected, and I’ve learned even more in these short months than in the 9 months on my own race. I have been constantly amazed at how abundantly He has provided for me. The words to say when I have no idea what to do. The time to be silent and just let His presence do the work. The time to pay a little extra attention to something that I usually wouldn’t notice. I feel like He’s given me x-ray/ super magnified vision into what He’s doing and it’s been a blast. Leading these women has been one of the sweetest gifts I’ve ever known, and I’m coming home feeling refreshed, encouraged, built up, and so excited for what the Lords is going to continue to do in our lives.
So I think it’s pretty safe to say that I wouldn’t change a thing. Even the moments that felt so difficult and scary and way too big for me to handle on my own. He knew what He was doing, and He allowed me to be part of. He provided exactly what was needed, and even more than enough. Every. Single. Time.
