Sweetly broken. Wholly surrendered.
When I reflect back on the past few months, I am reminded over and over again how faithful He is. I am also reminded that it is often in the moments when I am the most broken that I see the face of Jesus like never before. It is in the midst of my disappointment, pain, confusion, and just plain sadness that I find Him in more real ways. And it’s these seasons that convince me even more fully that my God is good and faithful, and that He’s all that I need. It’s what allows me to trust Him and live with abandon and surrender.
Honestly surrender doesn’t come easily to me. I like to know what I’m doing, see where I’m heading, and understand the plan and path before me. My parents have always called me unconventional, which is definitely 100% true, but in the middle of all the unconventional, I have always enjoyed having the control in my surroundings. I guess I like planned out unconventionality? But having someone else plan the unconventionality for my life? Not so much. Even the thought of that makes me start feeling way too nervous. Yet here I am. Doing the most unconventional thing in my life, and it doesn’t even line up with my original plan. It’s confirmed, God totally has a sense of humor.
But how did I make it to this point? How did I consciously give up cherished control of my own life and place it willingly into His hands? How am I not losing my mind right now with worry and stress? I’m sort of wondering the same thing, but it’s a really simple answer. It’s all about His faithfulness. And it’s all because I truly believe and trust that He is faithful. It’s who He is. And He’s never not who He is. And I BELIEVE IT!
The funny thing about seasons of brokenness and pain is that they have a way of making you better (Romans 5:3-5). That’s the redemptive and restorative power of God! He makes the places of ash and ugly into beauty and joy, and I love to see how He’s done that in other’s lives and remember how He’s done it in mine. It’s because of this past HARD season that I can surrender to God’s call, and say yes with joy instead of fear. I know that the things of this earth are fleeting and that there will be times when my hopes, dreams, and plans don’t work out. But when that happens I learn to hold more loosely to my own plans, and cling to the promise that He has a good and perfect plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) and that there are better things to come (Psalm 16:6)!
So when I look back on the plan that I had for my life next year, I am thankful that Jesus wrecked it all. Not because my plan was bad, but because I know His is better. I am thankful for the seasons that feel like breaking because sometimes they are a brake to redirect me to Him, and in the end, they always remind me and convince me more fully that He is good and true to His word, and that He can be trusted with entire control of my life! And here I am: sweetly broken, wholly surrendered to Him, and full of anticipation for what He has for me. This next season is going to be amazing and I cannot wait to share it with all of you!
