So I’m going to share one of the most impactful things that has happened to me on the race. Buckle your seatbelts, you’re in for a ride.
Month three of the race (South Africa) I am on the phone with my mom and hear the words: he asked me to marry him & I said yes.
Let’s just say I was in complete and utter shock. I was not expecting her to say that. I. WAS. NOT. OK.
That day we were touring the place we were about to move into and I hung up the phone and immediately sought out a spot where I could be alone. This is a hard thing usually because you’re always around people but this place had a beautiful amount of yard. I found a spot on the lawn.
Normally before the race I would turn to people or things to help me cope or process through my pain and emotions. I’m really good at turning to social media to distract me and also just being around people constantly does a really good job at keeping me occupied. But I remembered that God had told me the month prior that He wanted to be my best friend.
So I chose to sit and talk to Him about it. I balled my eyes out. I yelled and screamed at one point at Him. Let’s just say it wasn’t very pretty.
I was immediately reminded with the scripture about how God will never fail or abandon us (Hebrews 13:5). People will let us down time after time because no one is perfect. But God is. I turned to Him and I knew that He was the only thing that was going to get me through it all. Over and over again I was distracting myself from dealing with his loss and this time I didn’t let that happen..
I was on the other side of the world and I couldn’t be with my family. I only had access to WiFi once a week. I was forced to face the reality head on, no social media/ people to distract me.
With that being said I had no clue how much pain I was still carrying on my back. How I let my dad’s death affect and weigh me down so much. It took my mom telling me that she was getting married to finally help me move on and deal with losing him.
It was another aspect and reality that my dad was actually not coming back. He was gone and life goes on.
There were so many times that month where we would be talking with people about pain and hard things in their lives and I was able to see how these people had endured so much hardship and yet still believed and trusted that God was good and that He had a plan.
This year was a journey of abandoning living out of my comforts, distractions and flesh and seeking God and His healing and comfort. I can honestly say it took the first four months of the race to finally surrender my dad’s death to God.
The pain no longer weighed me down. I was freed from it. It took many tears, hard conversations and work to get where I am now. The biggest thing I have learned is how every single day is a choice. Are you going to live for yourself or God? Are you going to focus on others or yourself? Are you going to trust God even when things don’t make any sense to you? Are you going to keep on fighting and working hard even though you are exhausted? Let me tell you I was nowhere near perfect in any way but every time I chose to live for God and others with all the energy I had within me man those were my most fulfilling and best days.
God had become my healer and comforter but also my source and spring of life. There are days I could look back on and be like how did I not just pass out or give up? And God is the only answer I have. He gave me strength and joy and freedom unlike anything anyone or anything could ever give.
I cannot begin to put into words these past ten months because it truly was the most impactful thing I have ever experienced. God has proven over and over again how anything apart from Him will disappoint. He is our healer, comfort, refuge, life giving spring…the list goes on and on.
As I take on these next couple of months I cannot wait to see how God will show up. He’s got so much in store I know it!!!
Thank you for loving, praying and supporting me from across the world. Love you all tons!!
