It blows my mind that I’ve already been overseas for a month. I still have to remind myself on the daily that this is actually my life. We are currently at debrief where we have the opportunity and space to process life over the last month. So much has happened I’ve had a hard time knowing where to start. But during our team time this morning we were talking about what word God has given us for the past month. A few minutes after I gave my word I realized God had given me two. The one I said out loud and the one that was a little too much to say out loud.
Broken.
It’s not a very nice or fun word. But the thing about being broken is that God sometimes has to allow us to be broken so we can be rebuilt.
This month has been a time of breaking down and rebuilding. Of tearing away the pieces of me that aren’t God glorifying or desirable for the kingdom and replacing them with Truth.
I’ve always shied away from pain, from brokenness. But this month it was just part of life. I couldn’t get away from it even if I’d tried. Through this month I realized that without Brokenness we don’t get to experience the joy of God healing that pain.
So this month I have begun the process of embracing brokenness and heart ache.
Sickness, death, realizing you aren’t enough, accepting your winning personality can’t always fix frustrations, and facing the fact that you’ve put way too much stock in the approval of others are all pieces of being broken.
What Satan meant for evil God has used for good.
Trust through illness, peace in grieving, allowing yourself to shine through even if you aren’t the star of the show, and finding approval through Jesus are all pieces of HEALING.
Month 1 broke me in ways I didn’t expect, but month 1 healed me in ways I couldn’t imagine.
I’m sitting here writing this blog with tears streaming down my face. This is only the end of month 1. And yet so many pieces of myself are unrecognizable already. What’s God gonna do in the next 10 months??
I dunno. But if it’s all this hard, beautiful, perfect, awful, riddled with brokenness, full of healing, and eclipsed with joy….
I’m totally here for it.
