Launch is crazier than a bag of cats ya’ll. Like, most of the time I’m walking around thinking “what in the name of Mike is going on?? Are we REALLY about to leave the country?? Did they REALLY just give me the info and money for a visa in India??” But, here we are leaving the country today.
I should have known that launch couldn’t just be an easy we come, we learn, and then we leave the country. God always has more planned.
Ya’ll. I was not prepared.
Obedience is hard.
Obedience is scary.
Obedience is joyful.
Obedience is what we are called to.
Today as I prepare to leave the country I am in awe of a God that patiently waits for us, giving us small things (occasionally the “small” things feel like trying to climb mount Everest) to be obedient in. Sometimes the obedience He asks of us doesn’t make sense, sometimes others don’t understand that obedience and take a step away from you, sometimes God reveals SO much through simple acts of obedience, and sometimes all three of those things happen at the same time.
Coming on the race was a huge step of obedience for me and in a lot of ways I guess I just thought that was all the obedience that would be required of me until I actually got on the race. That doesn’t make a lot of sense but its also not what happened.
I’ve been joking about shaving my head for days now, really since we first got here. But I was 99% kidding. It was a “haha wouldn’t it be crazy to shave my head month 4, 5, or 6 and just come back mostly bald”. But I wasn’t actually planning on doing it.
Sunday night God revealed to me that I needed to shave off my hair.
Ya’ll.
I said NO.
Several times.
Even told God I wasn’t talking to Him anymore cause that was a ridiculous request. Not suggesting that’s a good plan to speak to God that way, but being honest with God about things is important.
But I’ve never felt something so clearly as when God gently poked me and said
“Daughter. You use your hair as a defense mechanism. You hide behind your hair to keep the flaws under wraps. You hate certain things about yourself and assume that others will hate those things too, so you hide them. I want you to show people what I see when I look at you. And I see you, not your hair.”
Don’t you hate it when God points out things that we were just kinda hoping He wouldn’t notice?
My response to His request?
Sheer terror.
I like my hair. My hair is good. My hair is safe.
So me and God compromised and…
I shaved my head.
God was so gracious and merciful through the entire process of me accepting that I would start this journey bald. I argued, fought, and pretended like I hadn’t heard him. I was terrified but I knew that God was calling me to a place of obedience and trust. Choosing to lean into a place of vulnerability and obedience was hard and scary, but so beautiful.
My squad stood around me and prayed not only for my individual obedience but that this would be a prophetic word over our entire squad. That we would create a culture where when God asks us to do something we do it without questioning. We would be a squad that when one of our members is called out of their comfort zone to be obedient that the entire squad would love, support, and push them further into the will of God.
Each of my team members cut a braid off before we actually shaved my head. I didn’t expect that part to be so difficult, but God used every single part of this experience to teach me beautiful lessons. As Maddie began trying to saw through my hair with a tiny pair of scissors I felt pain.
Everything hurt.
It hurt physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
I cried my way through that braid ya’ll. It was tough.
I felt the Holy Spirit sitting next to me and saying “this is what it feels like to live in disobedience. This pain you feel is what it feels like for both you and me when you run away from me in rebellion.”
Just as I was about to tell Maddie to stop (at that point we were committed so like it wouldn’t have done any good haha) the braid was totally cut and the pain vanished just like that *snaps fingers*.
Unexplainable, overwhelming, beautiful peace. It felt like a blanket over me and the small crowd standing outside the hotel.
And I heard God whisper “and this, my beautiful daughter, is what it feels like to be living in obedience, which is where you are. This is what its like to trust me.”
With prayer, songs, tears, and physical support my team and squad stood in the hard moment of obedience with me. It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t glamorous, and it was painful. But it was joyful. So much joy comes from obedience.
A weight was lifted from me as my hair fell around my feet. God was lifting burdens that I had placed on myself. All He needed was for me to let Him. His burden is easy and His yoke is light…but He won’t force us to let Him take our burdens.
God has already begun working in crazy ways in me and the people around me. All it took was a simple act of obedience.
I pray (and ask you to pray with me) that me and my squad remembers that all God needs is a simple yes so that He can start showing OUT. It’s simple but scary hard.
As I start this crazy wild journey (Today. I leave the country TODAY) I am beyond excited to say that I am starting this journey
FREE
UNBURDENED
And filled with So. Much. JOY.
