I’ve never liked goodbyes. They always feel so depressing and final. But this time goodbyes are even harder. As I drove away from Jonesboro this weekend a friend asked me if I was okay. All I could say was that I felt heavy. I didn’t cry, in fact I was feeling the weight of every emotion so much that crying didn’t feel possible anymore.
My Jonesboro peeps. The last 4 years they’ve been there for me even when it wasn’t the easiest. They’ve loved me when I couldn’t love me, fought for me when I needed it, helped me fight for myself in moments I had to do it myself, held me when I cried, listened to me vent about the crazy of life, laughed at my stories, pointed me to Jesus, laughed with me, laughed at me, made me go to the doctor, and helped me become a better woman of God even when it hurt.
They say it takes a village and these people have been such a big part of my village. I could never have made it this far in life without them. Each in their own way, they pushed me to take another step on this path God has me on. In moments when I questioned the validity of what God has for me, many of them assured me I wasn’t totally crazy.
So as I drove away from them this weekend it wasn’t just that I was saying see ya later to the people, I was saying goodbye to a stage of life. I’m no longer a scared baby college student. Now I’m a scared adult who is leaving all that behind. And thats okay. But for a moment I needed to just be heavy. Just accept that’s where I was.
I’ll see those people in a year. I’ll hear all about their year, the things they experienced, their victories, their struggles, and how God showed out in their lives. But I’ll never get that stage of life back. So I said see ya later to some of the most important people in my life and see ya never to college Courtney all in the same weekend.
So as I drove away I decided to do a thing. I decided to
Embrace the heavy
Sit in it
Look at it
Accept it
And then
Take a deep breath
Shake off the heavy
And sit back and watch God do His thing in the life of my people and myself for the next year
