Dear Colleen,
Hi. My name is comparison. I’ve been with you for all 18 years of your life. You didn’t start noticing me till you hit 3rd grade though, but honey, I’ve been here the whole time. I control a lot of your thoughts, all the thoughts that make you feel better about yourself when you look at someone else’s life…yup that’s me. I actually am the very one that introduced you to my sister, Pride. We work well together: taking your happiness. When these thoughts come your way, you respond with my cousin, defensiveness. You can’t seem to ever be the one in the wrong. You don’t want to seem less, and really, I’m just watching out for you because I make you feel better about yourself. You sit in a high thrown when I’m with you, you like that don’t you?
But I must admit, I’m very two faced. I’m the one who also makes sure you feel less than everyone else too. I’m the one who makes sure that you believe the statement: “You aren’t enough”. In fact, in the last five months, I’m the voice that has told you, “you stomach looks pregnant next to hers” “you’ve gained more weight than her” “you aren’t as funny as her” “she is a better leader than you, why would you ever think they would choose you to lead?” “They wouldn’t like you” “can you see your shadow next to hers? You need to lose weight girl!” I’m the one that makes you feel lesser, unworthy, unlovable, ugly, disgusting, and shameful.
I AM A THEIF.
I steal your joy, the very thing that comes from the Lord. I steal the Lord’s praise from your lips because you don’t even want to say thank you for that round stomach. I steal your worth because you will never be enough. I steal you identity because I tell you that you can only find it in your looks. I steal your confidence because someone will always be better than you. I steal your voice because, she would say it better. I steal your individuality and diversity because you should be like everyone else. I steal your humility because I bolster you up. I steal your rest and peace because there is always something you can be doing to be more like her. I steal the fun in having differences. I steal that brownie that you want to eat, but I tell you that if you want to look like her, you can’t have it. I steal the truth that you are made in God’s image, and that outer beauty is simply an expression of Gods love for us, and that it is just another thing we can glorify him for. I steal your patience, in waiting for results because you don’t look like her yet.
I have society on my side. Even when those commercials tell you that “different is beautiful” and to “love yourself” it is so incredibly self glorifying, therefore snatching the glory that should go to God, I redirect it back to you. I have it implanted in your mind and many woman’s minds that I will be with you FOREVER, that you can’t get rid of me. And let’s just say, it has worked. Most woman don’t know that most importantly, I steal their freedom. I steal their freedom in fully walking in who God created them to be. You all walk around believing that you are wearing shackles that permantely chain you to me, I’m an illusionist. You think your chained, but you’re not. You think your better, but you’re not. You think your lesser, but you’re not. However, if I’m honest with you. I actually have no hold on your life. You are the one that chooses me each and everyday, again and again. I have a lot of influence in your life, I tend to affect your behavior and thoughts. I constantly consume your mind, destroying much of who God created you to be. So that’s all I have to say now, until I creep into your mind again in approx. 2 minutes.
See you later!
-Comparison
Dear Comparison,
My name is Colleen, but you already know that. You’ve known I existed for a lot longer than I’ve now you existed. You know how to make me feel weak and make me feel strong. But that’s just the thing. You solely create feelings inside of me. I hate to break it to ya honey, but my life no longer runs on feelings. I am solely influenced by the truth! My father’s truth! I no longer give you control of my heart and mind. I’m free from you! I choose to cast you out! It will be an every day struggle, but no matter how hard, I choose to kick you out. God will help me, in fact it will only be in my dependence on him that I will be able to get rid of you. I choose to believe that we are all made in God’s image: that I am no less and no greater than anyone else. God loves us all and that’s what is important. I no longer sit on the throne, God does. I choose to break free of the chains you have me tied up in. God doesn’t want me to live this way, and I’m following his desires. I want you to know that you are no longer welcome in my life. I’m choosing joy, surrender, freedom, diversity, brownies, humility and peace over you, comparison. I’m choosing Jesus. You are not of the Lord, the only standard that I hold myself to is Jesus. And if you were wondering, yes, I do fail everyday. But ya know what? His death on the cross covers all of sins, and that is a true love story. So comparison, GO! FLEE! GET AWAY! You aren’t welcome here anymore, this is my final goodbye to you.
– Colleen
