(written May 30th, 2019)
This is it friends. The last blog, at least for now. Tomorrow I’m having dinner with my family in my house for the first time in nine months. I’ll have my bed again, my room again, my own car again, my own things. I’ll be leaving this traveling church (squad) of fifty and my family (team) of seven, without knowing when I’ll see them next. Am I excited? Am I nervous? Am I sad? Am I overjoyed? The short answer: yes
To be honest, I have more emotions about going home than I can count. It’s one minute extreme excitement and the next crying in the corner. One day I can’t imagine the race ending, and the next day I can’t believe I’m not home yet. All sorts of feelings are running through me right now, more than I can take in. The craziest part? I felt just like this when I left home.
I’ll never forget that September morning. I had stayed up all night, packing and unpacking my big pack. The sun was peaking through my window, showing that everything that was suppose to be in my pack was instead covering the floor. I didn’t know what to keep or leave, and I was so scared. Mom and Jason road tripped with me to launch, so I ended up throwing all my things (unpacked) in the truck and hitting the road. For the next three days I sat in the back of a truck and cried. Everything was happening so fast, everything was about to change, I was leaving everything I had ever known. What was awaiting me across the world, and was this really where I was suppose to go?
And then I left, and my life will never be quite the same. I have lived in countries across the world, in cultures that are nothing like America. I’ve eaten enough rice and bread to have a carb baby, and I’ve washed my clothes by hand for five months in a row. I lived the simple life and the fancy life, I gave it all some days and some days I didn’t give a… piece of bread. I’ve seen God change lives and provide need and love His people a little more every day. Gosh, I couldn’t sum up the last nine months in a blog even if I tried.
Y’all remember the movie “Moana”? Well I fell in love with it right before I left for the race. Whenever I was cooking or folding clothes, I’d just throw on that movie and get down to business. Why?
For those of you who don’t know the general plot, Moana was called by a power higher than herself to go across the sea and bring life to the world. She encounters many trials, and while she has a community to steward and help her along, Moana has to learn how to fight on her own. Along the way, she learns who she is and where her place is in the world. Moana left home, did what she was called to do, and then returns to her island. There she leads her people into a new way of living and the movie ends with them all traveling the sea together.
Why do I love this movie so much? Because that was ME. I left everything I had ever known to follow God’s call across the world. I faced trials and hard times with my community, and I walked through many things alone with the Lord. I saw things and understand the world in a way others can’t, and now I’m coming home to the ones I love again. While I’m coming home to learn more about the Lord and life, I’m also ready to teach anyone who will listen about the crazy love of Jesus Christ.
The last nine months have been a rollercoaster, and soon I’ll be leaving this ride for the one to come. I’ve learned so much, especially about who I am. I am a child of God, a bride of Christ, and a best friend of the Holy Spirit. I have failed, and in my failures God brings victory. I have stumbled, and in my falling God has held me up. I have proclaimed the gospel, and in my words God has poured out life. I have been a vessel, and God isn’t done with me yet.
I have an eternal soul, so no ending is really the end. This chapter is coming to a close, but the next is so exciting. I’m going to see my home and work at a camp and go to school. God has so much in store and so much to have me do. There are so many blessings!!
So here I sit, thinking about tomorrow and going home. It feels a little like when I left home, but this time I’m not crying on the floor. This time my bag is packed early, and all I can do is smile about all the beautiful things of God. I’m reminiscing about the memories and laughing at the good times I’ve had. I know what’s coming and I embrace it, because change is what reminds us that life is a journey. Thank you all for your support and love, for every prayer and thought you’ve done on my behalf. I look forward to seeing my States friends real soon, may God bless you and keep you safe!! Geronimo my dudes??
~CLS
