I’ve been a part of my fair share of bonfires over the years. It doesn’t matter where I go- my aunt’s cabin, in the woods, at a friend’s home, or even in my own backyard- somehow I end up at another fire pit. Of course I don’t mind, sitting around a fire at night is a good time. I have enjoyed so many times with my friends and family over the years, but that never prepared me for a bonfire in Ethiopia.
It was the end of a day well spent. I used the daylight hours to hold up orphans, laugh endlessly with my squamates, stole an hour or two to sit with God and the mountains, and lived in each moment (no matter how small). As the sun sets over the trees, my eyes are dazzled by the colorful clouds above. I can’t take it all in but I try my hardest. Then I go to dinner, taking each moment I can to watch the sun escape my sight. By the time dinner ends the sky is dark and the stars begin to come out.
After a few hours I put on an extra layer and leave the warm indoors for the untamed beauty of night. My squad circles around a small flame in the dry field, and we begin to sing. Some wander off into the night to dance for the Lord, some stay near the bonfire. They watch flames of fire dance across dried brush under an infinite sky sprinkled with diamonds of light. I alternate between dancing and watching the flames dance, and in these moments I thank God that I could see such majesties as these. Never have I seen so many stars or heard so many cries to God or felt more warmth than I do when my squad worships around a bonfire under the stars in Ethiopia.
A couple nights ago we had such a night. I was sitting by the fire, singing and staring into the flames. The smoke kept going into my eyes, but I was so transfixed by the fire that I barely noticed. As my eyes traced the fierce flames and glowing embers, I realized that I desire to be an ember over fire. In our walk with God, sometimes we see Him do something dazzling or mysterious that rocks our world. This is what I’d call the flames, the moments that catch your eyes and warm your heart. Such moments are apparent in our walk with God, but like a flame is pushed and pulled by the wind, these moments lack the depth of God and eventually are put out. The moments with God that dig deep and last are like embers, not flames. They are outshined by the flames in a moment, but an ember lasts far longer than a flame. An “ember moment” if you will, is like the day to day walk with God. It doesn’t always stand out and you don’t always notice when it happens, but it doesn’t easily fade. While flames die right when the kindling is all burned up, an ember can survive and start a new fire up to a day after a bonfire. We ought to pursue God for the embers, not the fire. We ought to run after the day to day moments with God, not after giant acts of love or powerful spiritual gifts.
On a final note, consider the cinders that blow from a fire. They come from the embers, not the flame, and they are the ones that can spread and create a new fire. Like seeds to an apple tree, so are cinders to a fire. At a first glance, it seems like the cinders come right out of the flames, but they are actually- wait for it- pieces of ember that break off and are carried by the wind. As we seek to expand and grow the kingdom of God, we have to remember that we show God best by our daily lives, not by giant acts of faith. Some people come to learn about God by a healing or prophecy or whatever else, but it is the simple devoted love of a follow of Christ that bring people home to Jesus. Therefore, strive to be a burning ember before you seek the flames of God. Slowly and purposefully seek out your maker, and let that be a testimony of the God you serve.
I shared this insight from God with my squamates, and as the night went on I learned more. This time God directed my eyes up into the stars. Their glory dazzled and mystified my mind, unapproachable yet beautiful. I think many christians strive to be this way, like we’re in the middle of this dark space and have to be distant lights of Jesus. We tell ourselves that we don’t have to mingle with the dark as long as we live a good life and praise God’s name, but this thought is simply not to be. Christians should not strive to be as the stars, but as the moon. The moon reflects the light of the sun, as we should reflect the light of the Son of God. It has no light on its own and does not strive to make light, but on the night of a full moon the earth is lit up almost as brightly as day. When we fully reflect the light of Jesus in us, it allows us to light the way for others. Even on the clearest beautiful night, even when all the stars are alive and lit up, the ground is not lit up without the moon. No matter how much we pursue our own glory or light, we as the children of God will never show others the way if we don’t reflect the light of Jesus. Being like the moon is humbling- as the moon cannot glow without the sun, so we cannot show the light of God without the Son.
Do not seek to be a flame or star of God. Do not live your life for powerful works of the spirit or out of your flesh. Depend on the daily moments of God and store them deep within you. Let God shine through you and light up the dark outside of your own power. Be like the ember and the moon. You cannot live life on your own, you need God in every moment of every day and you need Him to show His glory through you. You need Him.
God has taught me a lot in the last few months, but the deepest lesson I’ve learned is that I can’t do this alone. Above I described a perfect day in Ethiopia, but most days aren’t like that. Sometimes the kids are mean, sometimes my squamates let me down, and sometimes I don’t spend hours with God in solitude. Thats just life, but I make it through because I have something greater- the very love of God. He sustains me when I have nothing left, and He comforts me when I have no one around, and He pushes me further into Holy submission han anyone ever could. It is by the grace of God that I’m here, and it is the grace of God that secures my eternity. I can’t do anything on my own.
And thats what I dwelled on during a firelight service in Ethiopia.
~CLS
