I feel uncomfortable because I’m in Europe. Sometimes I just want to go back to feeling at ease in a third-world country. I just want to cross the street wherever I want to, instead of walking an extra 52 steps to get to the crosswalk and THEN cross the street.
I feel uncomfortable because there’s a lot of alcohol (mostly wine) in Europe. There’s a bigger wine selection than there is soda at the grocery store.
I feel uncomfortable because I haven’t seen too many people wearing a skirt (other than grandmas or ladies that look like they’re going to a business meeting). I think it comes from being in countries where trousers weren’t as common, but I just notice the absence of skirts and the presence of so many tight jeans.
I feel uncomfortable because my team has been put at the same ministry as another team and sometimes the dynamics of another team is hard to understand. I’ve gone through it before, but I felt it more again this month with phrases and words that I don’t understand or they have special ‘different’ meanings to others and they forget to explain it to me.
I feel uncomfortable because I wear something on my head and sometimes I know it might make me look a bit ‘sloppy’ and all I want is to look cute for once.
I feel uncomfortable because sometimes I’m tired of looking so different from those around me, but then I realize I don’t really want to go home and ‘blend in’ again either.
I feel uncomfortable because the people we minister to here often have the business of selling girls – sometimes even their own daughters.
I feel uncomfortable because the children here know more about prostitution and all that goes with it than I ever want to know – all at the young ages of 8-10 years old.
I feel uncomfortable because I want to be able to love the children well but sometimes I’m afraid that the way I think of caring for and loving them is viewed differently by them and hurts more than helps them.
I feel uncomfortable because most everyone on the team has gone thrift shopping and found clothes that make them feel more ‘at home’ like trousers and jeans and sweaters while I still feel like a slob in the clothes I’ve had for 8 months (do you know how hard it is to find even a knee length skirt in Europe? Maybe I just haven’t been to the right thrift stores yet – it also doesn’t help that I really hate clothes shopping).
I feel uncomfortable because I realize most of the reasons I feel uncomfortable stems from trying to find my identity in things other than only God. And that makes me sad.
I feel uncomfortable because I don’t know what God has in store for my future after I get home. I want it to be different than before I left because now I’m different. But what if I ‘fall’ back into the same old ways of being a ‘mediocre Christian’ again?
I feel uncomfortable because sometimes I realize I’m afraid to go home and face the relationships I’ve had a hard time pouring myself into.
And now I’m uncomfortable because I’m putting this out for ‘all the world’ to read. This was an entry in my journal – and usually journals are private. Not this time I guess.
