First the Goodbyes
The last week and more were full of those ‘last’ things that happen when one goes away for awhile. The goodbye that stuck the most with me were those at my church. On Sunday evening, we gathered and as a blessing and show of support, they got me to close my eyes and fall back into the arms of those behind me. Sort of like a trust fall, but it didn’t end there. They kept lifting me up and up until they say I was close to the ceiling. I had my eyes closed and was just resting, listening to the words Levi was saying. Such a vivid picture of how God has His arms under me, as well as a reminder of how my wonderful church will be supporting me and lifting me in their prayers.
On Monday evening we had another send-off at Shekinah for both Elsie and I. It was primarily a worship night and at the end, anyone who wanted to could come give us a blessing for our journey. The blessings and words of appreciation and encouragement that people gave were the kind you hear mostly when people leave. I told someone that its almost like we are at a funeral because of the sweet words people told me. It was a good reminder for me to be telling those special people in my life what I want them to know NOW rather than wait till they leave. And sometimes I wait till I can’t tell the people anymore at all – and just how sad is that?
And good-byes are a good time to remember that you can be glad you HAVE someone to say goodbye TO! And even feel pain while doing it because you have loved and are loved.
And then My letter
Recently I’ve been going through a book they recommended at TC (yes, I’m a bit late, but I do want to read it!) called ‘The Art of Listening Prayer’ by Seth Barnes. I’m going to let you read one of my letters to God. It will give you a small glimpse into my personal journey in starting on this adventure of the World Race.
My Father, my God. You’ve been so amazing in my life already. I can’t imagine being without You.
But I also haven’t sought You like I would want to be sought after. I’ve been rather complacent about our relationship. Let it no more be so!
I’ve also been of the mentality that You are here for me. You are my God, so You bless me with all Your blessings and somehow I (in my human brain) think I deserve to have all this. You know this and understand it, but it also grieves You that I can be so self-centered and single-minded in getting what I want. I grieve myself knowing I have grieved You!
I want to learn to love You and I’ll learn that from the way You love me. In a way it’s different, because Your love really never runs out and it’s so much bigger than mine could ever be. But I want a love like that. I want to feel how it feels to be truly in love. With YOU! I’ve experienced maybe a small portion but I want to dive into this relationship and give it all I’ve got! I’m Your Daughter. And I’m so thankful to be Your daughter!
And then in my mind this is what played out:
Jesus came and sat cross-legged in front of me (I think He hopped through my window maybe!), placed His big Hands on my knees and said, ‘I love You! Come, let Me hold you!’ I wasn’t so sure at first because I’m not a touchy kind of person and I haven’t imagined sitting on Jesus’ lap ever before. But I finally swallowed my uncomfortable-ness, and crawled into His lap. He rested back against my bedside stand and squeezed His arms around me and said, ‘Just relax and let me love you!’ I cried!
Then my mind started to think about training came and how I saw some of my squadmates so changed and the Holy Spirit giving people prayer languages and the gift of tongues. And I started to feel uncomfortable again and suddenly I wasn’t in His lap anymore. I kind of ruined the moment. But in thinking of those times when God did those amazing things in my friends lives, I realized that God can be so crazy! So, in pursuing this relationship with God, I’m pursuing a loving God, yes. But I’m also pursuing a crazy Adventurer who might not tell me what adventure we’re on until we’re in it. And to me that’s challenging because I’m used to being the one to plan my adventures. No more! I’m in it for the crazy adventure. I’m in it to learn to fall in love with Jesus. What a crazy love story filled with adventure!
