I grew up in the church as a pastor’s kid with two wonderful parents. They brought me up in the Word and in the ways of the Lord, and as a little girl I gave my heart to the Lord. When I was six I got baptized in the Holy Spirit, and then at age 16 I got water baptized. I’ve always loved God and have believed in Him, but as I got older I began compromising in a lot of areas.
I found myself putting so many things before Christ, and I knew I wasn’t where I needed to be in my walk with God. I wasn’t in prayer, and I neglected spending time in God’s Word. For a couple years, I felt like I was just going through the motions, which was easy to do as a pastor’s kid.
Right after I graduated high school, for about a year-and-a-half I fell into a deep depression. I spent many hours in tears crying. I hated life, I hated myself, and I couldn’t figure out why. I had a wonderful family, awesome friends, and a lot going for me. During this time, I had taken a mission’s trip to Nicaragua. There the Lord slowly began working on my heart, but it wasn’t until right before my 21st birthday that God really got a hold of me. I went through a really difficult time where I was left feeling hurt. I was confused, I was angry, and I had a lot of “why” questions for God. I may not have fully understood why God was allowing me to go through such heartache, but it was during that time my life completely changed.
It was in that moment of difficulty that everything began to click. My desire for Jesus grew even deeper. All I could do was rely on Him, and trust that His plan for my life was far greater than anything I could ever imagine. I’m still reminded of that each and every day. I may not know what the future holds but I know I don’t have to worry because God has something amazing. I truly believe God used this difficult time to draw me back to Him. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for that situation and God’s grace.
I remember one night during everything I was going through just sitting in my room crying out to God. I began to surrender everything to Him, my life, my future, all of it. I was done trying to do life on my own, the way I thought was best for myself and the quietness of the Lord’s presence I recommitted my life to the Lord. Since that moment my life has not been the same. My perspective has changed, the way I view things have changed, my attitude has changed, and my love for the Lord has deepened. I’ve been learning to trust God in ways like never before, and the depression that consumed me is no longer there. I realized, that depression was caused by me not making Christ the center of my life. I was looking to other people, and things to fill certain voids in my life. Which we all know; no earthly thing can fill any void we have. It’s through Christ and Christ alone where all of our needs are met.
I feel like I now have a deeper understanding of who Christ is, and just how faithful He is. Spending time in prayer and in the Word of God has gone from being a chore to something I look forward to each day. God is so good and I’m just so thankful that He never gave up on me, even when I wanted to give up.
I’ve learned that when we try to do life on our own, it doesn’t work. We fail. I encourage you to involve God in your life. Make Him the center of each area and watch all the amazing things He’ll do. He doesn’t promise us that with Him things will be easy; but He does promise us in Hebrews 13:5 that He will never leave us or forsake us, and that He will walk with us and give us strength to face whatever lies before us. I’m constantly learning and growing in Him each and every day. My life isn’t perfect and there’s definitely difficult days, but it’s because of God’s promises, God’s faithfulness, and His love that I can keep moving forward.
For a while, I thought I didn’t have a testimony but I realized that’s not true. This is just part of my story which God is continuing to write. He is not done writing your story either. If you believe in God, if you are a follower of Christ, you have a testimony, a story to be shared. You never know what someone is going through and God can use your story to touch someone’s life. Share your story, don’t be ashamed. Let God work in and through you. He is faithful!
It’s because of Him we are free.
It’s because of Him we have salvation.
It’s because of Him we can walk in redemption. To God be the glory!
